Quotes from P.G. Wodehouse

Young Reggie Foljambe to my certain knowledge offered him double what I was giving him, and Alistair Bingham-Reeves, who's got a valet who had been known to press his trousers sideways, used to look at him, when he came to see me, with a kind of glittering, hungry eye which disturbed me deucedly. Bally pirates!

I could make a poet out of far less promising material. I could make a poet out of two sticks and a piece of orange peel.

She has an eye like a man-eating fish

She said I would find Oswald out in the grounds, and such is a mother's love that she spoke as if that were a bit of a boost for the grounds and an inducement to go there.

I always feel that nothing is so soothing as a walk in a garden at night. Ha! The cool air. The scent of growing things. That is tobacco plant which you can smell, sir. Is it? The stars, sir. Stars? Yes, sir. What about them? I was merely directing your attention to them, sir. Look how the floor of heaven is thick inlaid with patines of bright gold. Theres not the smallest orb which thou beholdest, sir, but in his motion like an angel sings, still quiring to the young-eyed cherubims.

six of the juiciest from a cane of the type that biteth like a serpent and stingeth like an adder, as the fellow said.

In the past she had been compelled to describe this man as a hunk of cheese and to express the opinion that his crookedness was such as to enable him to hide at will behind a spiral staircase; but now, in the joy of this unexpected reunion, all these harsh views were forgotten.

A drawback to success in life is that failure, when it does come, acquires an exaggerated importance.

It's half the battle to get a line on the adored object's favourite literature. Mug it up and decant an excerpt and she's all over you. Next moment Freddie was hareing off for a Collected Works of Tennyson. Relieved, because, girls being ehat they are, it might easily have been Shelley or even Browning.

I don't suppose that anything you say or anything I say will make the slightest damn bit of difference. You need dynamite to dislodge an idea that has got itself firmly rooted in the public mind.

The scheme had been, if I remember, that after lunch I should go off and caddy for Honoria on a shopping tour down Regent Street; but when she got up and started collecting me and the rest of her things, Aunt Agatha stopped her.

Oh, praises let us utter     To our most glorious King!     It fairly makes you stutter     To see him start his swing!     Success attend his putter!     And luck be with his drive!     And may he do each hole in two,     Although the bogey's five!

Morning, Bill,' said Lord Tidmouth agreeably. 'Go to hell!' said Bill. 'Right-ho,' said his lordship.

She did not cease to look like a basilisk, but she began to look like a basilisk who has had a good lunch.

He's like one of those weird chappies in India who dissolve themselves into thin air and nip through space in a sort of disembodied way and assemble the parts again just where they want them. I've got a cousin who's what they call a Theosophist, and he says he's often nearly worked the thing himself, but couldn't quite bring it off, probably owing to having fed in his boyhood on the flesh of animals slain in anger and pie.

The train began to give up its contents, now in ones and twos, now in a steady stream.

When you are discovered by a householder—with revolver—in his parlor at half-past three in the morning, it is surely an injudicious move to lay stress on your proficiency as a burglar. The householder may be supposed to take that for granted.

there was only one thing to be done. I went straight back to my room, dug out the cummerbund, and draped it round the old tum. I turned round and Jeeves shied like a startled mustang.

One of the rooted convictions of each member of the human race is that he or she is able without difficulty to open a door which has baffled their fellows.

This woman always made Freddie feel as if he were being disembowelled by some clumsy amateur.

He looked like a horse with a secret sorrow. He coughed three times, like a horse who, in addition to a secret sorrow, had contracted asthma.

I don't know if it has ever occurred to you, but to the thoughtful cove there is something dashed reassuring in all the reports if burglaries you read in the papers. I mean, if you're keen on Great Britain maintaining her prestige and all that. I mean, there can't be much wrong with the moral of a country whose sons go in to such a large extent for housebreaking, because you can take it from me that the job requires a nerve of the more cast-iron description.

I love little pussy; her coat is so warm; And if I don't hurt her, she'll do me no harm;

When it comes to the smooth stuff, old girl, you're the oyster's eye-tooth!