Quotes from P.G. Wodehouse

Oh Brancepeth,' said the girl, her voice trembling, 'why haven't you any money? If only you had the merest pittance - enough for a flat in Mayfair and a little weekend place in the country somewhere and a couple of good cars and a villa in the South of France and a bit of trout fishing on some decent river, I would risk all for love.

There are few things more tragic than the desire of the moth for the star; and it is a curious fact that the spectacle of a star almost invariably fills the most sensible moth with thoughts above his station.

I MUST SAY I was pretty well a-twitter. It was about as juicy a biff as I had had for years.

Lady Jane held the English view that visitors like to be left to themselves.

Honestly, Ronnie. I know it hurts your head to think, but try just for a moment.

INTERVIEWER: Did you always know you would be a writer? WODEHOUSE: Yes, always. I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't remember what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose.

We are going to do a play, and we want another man. The man who was going to play one of the parts has had to go back to London. Poor devil! Fancy having to leave a place like this and go back to that dingy, overrated town.

I've often wondered since then how these murderer fellows manage to keep in shape while they're contemplating their next effort. I had a much simpler sort of job on hand, and the thought of it rattled me to such an extent in the night watches that I was a perfect wreck next day. Dark circles under the eyes—

The thing that poisons life for gunmen and sometimes makes them wonder moodily if it is worth-while going on is this tendency of the outside public to butt in at inconvenient moments. Whenever you settle some business dispute with a commercial competitor by means of your sub-machine gun, it always turns out that there was some officious witness passing at the time, and there you are, with a new problem confronting you.

It is safest for the historian, if he values accuracy, to wait till a thing has happened before writing about it.

Ukridge drew the mackintosh which he wore indoors and out of doors in all weathers more closely around him. There was in the action something suggestive of a member of the Roman Senate about to denounce an enemy of the State. In just such a manner must Cicero have swished his toga as he took a deep breath preparatory to assailing Clodius.

There was a moment's suspense while Conscience and Sheer Wickedness fought the matter out inside him, and then Conscience, which had started on the encounter without enthusiasm, being obviously flabby and out of condition, threw up the sponge.

Half the trouble in the world was caused by people not letting well alone.

I say, said Jimmy, as they moved away, who is that fellow Wesson? Oh, a man, said Molly vaguely. There's no need to be fulsome, said Jimmy. He can't hear.

Tut, tut!" said Psmith severely. "And, in case the expression is new to you, what I mean is 'Pooh, pooh!

Mr. Chester, standing near the door with Ann, eyed the assemblage with the genial contempt of a large dog for a voluble pack of small ones.

Boil the whole question of old age down, and what it amounts to is that a man is young as long as he can dance without getting lumbago, and, if he cannot dance, he is never young at all.

If you brought me Sue Brown or any other girl in the world on a plate with water-cress round her, I wouldn't so much as touch her hand.

I don't understand a word you say. You're English, aren't you? I admitted it. She didn't say a word. And somehow she did it in a way that made it worse than if she had spoken for hours. Somehow it was brought home to me that she didn't like Englishmen, and that if she had had to meet an Englishman, I was the one she'd have chosen last.

He was no prude, but he had those decent prejudices of which no self-respecting man can wholly rid himself, however broad-minded he may try to be.

What on earth did he do after that? London late at night—or even in the daytime, for that matter—is no place for a man in scarlet tights.

Very rapidly now Freddie realised that what he had been wishing for was a partner to share the perils of this enterprise which he had so rashly undertaken. In fact, not so much to share them as to take them off his shoulders altogether.

I have always considered you an extremely sound young potato.

Inasmuch as the scene of this story is that historic pile, Belpher Castle, in the county of Hampshire, it would be an agreeable task to open it with a leisurely description of the place, followed by some notes on the history of the Earls of Marshmoreton, who have owned it since the fifteenth century.