Quotes from Melody Beattie

If you have done nothing to feel embarrassed about, don't feel embarrassed. I know this is a tough concept, but it can be mastered.

The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways; and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems. We find the freedom to live our own lives without excessive feelings of guilt about, or responsibility toward others.

We stop worrying about them, and they pick up the slack and finally start worrying about themselves. What a grand plan! We each mind our own business. Earlier, I described a person caught in

I reacted to other people's feelings, behaviors, problems, and thoughts. I reacted to what they might by feeling, thinking, or doing. I reacted to my own feelings, my own thoughts, my own problems. My strong point seemed to be reacting to crises—I thought almost everything was a crisis. I overreacted.

Codependents appear to be depended upon, but they are dependent.

Recovery is not only fun, it is simple. It is not always easy, but it is simple. It is based on a premise many of us have forgotten or never learned: Each person is responsible for him- or herself. It involves learning one new behavior that we will devote ourselves to: taking care of ourselves.

Many of us react as though everything is a crisis because we have lived with so many crises for so long that crisis reaction has become a habit.

You are not responsible for making other people "see the light," and you do not need to "set them straight." You are responsible for helping yourself see the light and for setting yourself straight.

Reactionaries] Just feeling urgent and compulsive is enough to hurt us. We keep ourselves in a crisis state...ready to react to emergencies that aren't really emergencies. Someone does something, so we must do something back. Someone says something, so we must say something. Someone feels a certain way, so we must feel a certain way. WE JUMP INTO THE FIRST FEELING THAT COMES OUR WAY AND THEN WALLOW IN IT.

Map Your Own Journey Go on your own journey. Don't let others hold you back; don't hold them back. Don't judge their journey, and don't let them judge yours. All persons are free to have the experiences their souls lead them to.

Today, I will know that I don't have to worry about anything. If I do worry, I will do it with the understanding that I am choosing to worry, and it is not necessary.

We work it out, or live it out.

Believing that things happen too slowly or too quickly is an illusion. Timing is perfect.

A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.

People and things don't stop our pain or heal us. In recovery, we learn that this is our job, and we can do it by using our resources: ourselves, our Higher Power, our support systems, and our recovery program.

As Thomas Wright writes in an article from the book Co-Dependency, An Emerging Issue, "I suspect codependents have historically attacked social injustice and fought for the rights of the underdog. Codependents want to help. I suspect they have helped. But they probably died thinking they didn't do enough and were feeling guilty.

Today, I will apply the concept of detachment, to the best of my ability, in my relationships. If I can't let go completely, I'll try to "hang on loose.

God, help me let go of my need to deprive myself of being alive.

Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little coarse, and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice? Up again; you shall never be so afraid of a tumble. —Ralph Waldo Emerson

Stay conscious of who you travel with on this journey. See who you're attracted to and notice who is attracted to you. See how much better you feel when you surround yourself with the energy of love.

Control is an illusion. It doesn't work.

Taking care of myself is a big job. No wonder I avoided it for so long.

I don't think love has to hurt as much as it did in the past. I don't think we have to allow love to hurt us as much as it has. We certainly don't have to let it destroy us.

Don't give up hope. It took many of us twenty years or more to acquire these protective behaviors we umbrella with the word codependency. It may take as much time as that to let go of them.