Quotes from Lemony Snicket

For Beatrice — I cherished, you perished, The world's been nightmarished.

Deciding on a safe answer to a question is like deciding on a safe ingredient in a sandwich, because if you make the wrong decisions you may find that something horrible is coming out of your mouth.

Hungry licked her spoon and then pointed it at me. 'Aren't you forgetting the dishes?' she asked. 'Absolutely not,' I said. 'I'll remember the dishes as long as I live. See you later, Hungry.

13. 99 percent is a very large percentage. For instance, easily 99 percent of people want a roof over their heads, food on their tables, and the occasional slice of cake for dessert. Surely an arrangement can be made with that niggling 1 percent who disagree.

Accidents happen all the time.

Historically, a story about people inside impressive buildings ignoring or even taunting people standing outside shouting at them turns out to be a story with an unhappy ending.

There are few sights sadder than a ruined book, but Klaus had no time to be sad.

I have gone into town to buy a few last things we need for the expedition: Peruvian wasp repellent, toothbrushes, canned peaches, and a fireproof canoe. It will take a while to find the peaches, so don't expect me back until dinnertime. Stephano, Gustav's replacement, will arrive today by taxi. Please make him feel welcome. As you know, it is only two days until the expedition, so please work very hard today. Your giddy uncle, Monty

It is so rare in this world to meet a trustworthy person who truly wants to help you, and finding such a person can make you feel warm and safe.

The children knew, as I'm sure you know, that there is usually no reason to be afraid of the dark, but even if you are not particularly afraid of something, you might not want to get near it

I'm not a stranger," I said, and pointed to his book. "I read the same authors you do.

Los peores sitios del mundo se pueden soportar si la gente que allí habita es interesante y amable.

Pero un tipo de libro que a casi nadie le gusta leer es un libro sobre leyes. Los libros sobre leyes son muy largos, muy aburridos y muy difíciles. Es una de las razones por las que muchos abogados ganan tanto dinero. El dinero es un incentivo —la palabra «incentivo» significa aquí «recompensa ofrecida para que hagas algo que no quieres hacer»Ã¢â'¬â€ para leer libros largos, aburridos y difíciles.

Imagining the worst doesn't keep it from happening

Hup hup ha ha hammy hee hee!

Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity,' Sunny said, which was something she had said only once before. It meant something along the lines of 'I must admit I don't have the faintest idea of what is going on,' and the first time the youngest Baudelaire had said it, she had just been brought home from the hospital where she was born, and was looking at her siblings as they leaned over her crib to greet her.

Figuratively, they escaped from Cout Olaf and their miserable existence. They did not literally escape, because they were still in his house and vulnerable to Olaf's evil in loco parentis ways.

Yo no sé si os habréis dado cuenta, pero a menudo las primeras impresiones son absolutamente equivocadas. Por ejemplo, puedes mirar un cuadro por primera vez y que no te guste nada, pero, después de mirarlo un rato, te puede parecer muy agradable. La primera vez que pruebas el queso gorgonzola te puede parecer demasiado fuerte, pero, cuando eres mayor, es posible que no quieras comer otra cosa que queso gorgonzola.

It is never seven that you count to, before you do something difficult. It is never at the count of two. It is always three, and it is strange.

Oftentimes, when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.

Now, get in the damn jeep. It is, as you know, very, very rude and usually unnecessary to use profanity, but the Baudelaire orphans were too terrified to point this out to Stephano. Taking one last look at their poor Uncle Monty, the three children followed Stephano to the door of the Reptile Room to get in the damn jeep.

There was still plenty of water in the basement, and I felt it soaking me from the knees on down. If someone wanted to torture me until I told them a critical piece of information, all they would have to do is get my socks wet. It feels terrible.

Various parts of my body told me that in the future they would appreciate it if I slept lying down on a bed instead of sitting at the counter of Black Cat Coffee. I quietly reassured them that this was an unusual situation, and had the machinery make me some bread as a breakfast.

Uncle Monty smiled at the orphans. 'That's quite all right,' he said. 'Questions show an inquisitive mind.