Quotes from W.C. Fields

You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

I was in love with a beautiful blond once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia

I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night

Never give a sucker an even break.

Ain't fit for man nor beast

The news of my death is greatly exaggerated.

Never trust a man who doesn't drink.

Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?

Here lies W.C.Fields. I'd rather be living in Philadelphia.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate all people equally.

Drowned in a vat of whiskey... Oh Death, where is thy sting?

Always smile first thing in the morning. Might as well get it over with.

I was in love with a beautiful blond once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.