Quotes from Ross W. Greene

renowned psychologist, Thomas Szasz, the term problems in living is far preferable to the term mental illness, for it points us in the direction of what really needs to be done to help kids with concerning behaviors: solve the problems that are causing those behaviors.

kids do well if they can.

Just like the rest of us, they do poorly when life demands skills they're lacking. What behaviors does your child exhibit when that happens? Some kids cry, or pout, or sulk, or withdraw. While that's the "easy" end of the spectrum, those kids still need our help. Some hold their breath, scream, swear, kick, hit, have panic attacks, or destroy property. Some run away, bite, cut themselves, vomit, use weapons, or worse. This end of the spectrum is much more concerning

He's not motivated. If it's true that kids do well if they can, then the kid is already motivated and needs something else from us besides rewards and punishments. Remember, if the kid could do well he would do well, so poor motivation is unlikely to be what is truly keeping him from doing well. Rewards and punishments don't teach lagging thinking skills and don't solve the problems that precipitate challenging episodes.

He's making bad choices. This suggests that the kid already has the skills to be making good choices. Of course, if he had those skills, we wouldn't be wondering why he's making so many bad choices! He has a bad attitude.

behaviors simply indicate that your child is having difficulty meeting certain expectations

The vast majority of kids I've worked with over the years had already endured more than their fair share of consequences. If all those consequences were going to work, they would have worked a long time ago.

No kid should be getting three or four hours of homework a night. There's no breathing time, there's no family time, there are just extracurriculars and homework and then go to bed.

We never get to see that our kid is capable of solving problems on her own. We never start to build up the faith that they can actually do it.

If we're sitting at dinner and there's no conversation going on because everybody's got their head someplace else in their iPhone, that's a family problem that needs to be solved.

Being completely in control is a fantasy.