Quotes from David Gustafson

Nature's most cunning Trojan Horse is a woman's smile.

Unlike women's make-up or cow manure, the vanity that comes with popular celebrity is an organic stain with a life of its own that the owners choose to shamelessly exploit rather than remove.

Look on the bright side. Even though America's Wokey-Woke police cannot issue arrest warrants for real or imagined transgressors from the pages of history, they still have the New York Times willing to do a little front-page strangling on their behalf.

In this brutal world of incessantly exploding sound effects, pubescent song lyrics and banal advertisements appealing to the lowest common denominator, the trick is to take refuge with the very small band of survivors who savor words like chocolates.

The preponderance of canned laughter on the American boob tube presents the viewer with a conundrum of three choices without the possibility of answering incorrectly. 1. The material is not that funny. 2. The audience is really that stupid. 3. Both 1 and 2.

Techno music is the foundational influence upon the modern tunes that saturate the cultural airwaves with unabashed monotony giving today's tunes all of the lyrical sophistication of a kindergarten merry-go-round rhyme combined with the musical nuances of an electric can opener.

If you love your government, you are not paying attention.

One of the greatest benefits that the eventual triumph of artificial intelligence will bring to mankind will be the eradication of dysfunctional governments and the criminal activities of turd squeak politicians.

The simian numbskull fiddles with his video game while his sister bumpkinette thumb-twiddles a photo of her latest pedicure onto her Facebook page.

The moment a yokel, whether he be a government fruit fly, a corporate fruit fly or a PC pajama boy, turns on his television set, he immediately forgets how meaningless his life is.

Future embalmers are certain to become adept at stretching the crepe skin of the cadaver that they are pickling in order to decipher its wrinkled legacy of tattoo graffiti that might inspire a bit of conversation after work with the pals down at the corner bar.

Why watch the boob tube when there is YouTube?

Celebrity is the mother of pretension.

As a daughter grows older, she becomes a father's cherished blessing. Now Mama has someone to take her shopping who is not a prisoner of war.

America has three major crime families; the Mafia, the Republicans and the Democrats. The one least likely to endanger or fleece the average taxpayer is the Mafia.

Roll-over Carthage and Babylon! With the auspicious embarrassment that only great nations can achieve, America's twenty-first century that began with that Holy Trinity of turdsqueak popcorn farts; George W. Bush, Barack Hussein Obama and Donald Trump, is now being awarded an involuntary colonoscopy without an anesthesia by Comatose Joe Biden and his assistant, Willie Brown's second or third string wifey, Camilla Harris.

Which begs the question: how many degrees of separation are there between an anti-Semite and a politically correct anti-Christian?

If you are not disturbing the peace, if you are not annoying the political scum, if you are not provoking the prevailing culture by making its sanctimonious arbiters of what is naughty and what is nice squirm in their sticky underwear, how can you possibly call yourself a satirist?

Influencers" succeed in a culture when the masses stop reading and thinking for themselves.

Journalisms' once Holy Mantra of "who, what, where, when and, sometimes how," has been thoroughly eradicated by a ravenous creature of 24/7 photo-ops and sound bites.

When democracy gets old and tired, it demands a little chaos to refresh itself.

If you are an excitable boy or girl who thinks that politics might just be the answer to your problems, perhaps you should consider making an appointment with a psychiatrist.

When one considers how necessary the honeybee is to life on earth, it puts the arrogant pretentions of mankind into a proper context.

People who don't have a life have television.