Quotes from David Gustafson

I used to drink a lot of beer and brandy when I was in my twenties. Today, I read books and my hangovers are worth talking about.

The addition of video to music magically increases the impression of pekoral a hundred-fold in the mass-marketplace.

Satirists are merely impatient obituary writers.

If television is a quick detour to mass stupidity, then video games are the express lane.

The most baffling mystery about American democracy is why putting such a brilliant idea into practice seems to attract all the wrong people.

Voter NOUN a paranoid schizophrenic who believes the voices promising them an alternate future are real.

There are three kinds of people in this modern world; gamer boy eunuchs, cell phone nymphos and book readers. The most valuable are the very vulnerable book readers.

If the laughter is canned, so are you.

If you want to feel important and indispensable, read a story to the child on your lap.

Discerning people love their country and hate their government while people who love their goverment more than their country are generally servants of a political party.

If artists, writers and musicians were not just a little delusional, they would all have office jobs.

Totalitarians never cease trying to rewrite history to their their own liking, but history is a stubborn old bastard that always outlives these feeble fantasies.

Blue jeans are hot in the summer and cold in the winter. They are not the dumbest clothing in the world, but the fashionable folks who insist on wearing them are not exactly the brightest brill in the ocean.

There are people who read books and there are people that make noise.

What have you done today with your inheritance of time?

Modern culture's insatiable appetite for photo-ops keeps the not-so-accomplished Tinkerbelles from gracefully slipping into obscurity where they should have remained in the first place.

If you are profoundly interested in useless opinions and stupid people, may I suggest the purchase of a television?

Ask any proctologist, the difference between an ass clown turd-squeak and a turd-squeak ass clown is the difference between Donald Trump and Barry Obama.

Never wager against the success of mediocrity.

A ditch-pig culture begets a shit-house body politic.

The inherent flaw with democratic elections is that they peddle the repulsive stink of neither/nor as the sultry perfume of either/or.

Trump? Obama? Putin? Why must we pity the politi-scum addicted to their own infallible "godliness" when there are more entertaining alternatives?

The wonderful thing about Congress is that the really crazy scum are all gathered up in one single asylum where the people can keep an eye on them.

Sometimes, when you run through all of the questions, you have an answer while other times you end up with nothing to show for your effort but the ticklish amusement of flexing your brain.