Quotes from Richard Kadrey

IT'S WEIRD starting over from zero. It changes the scale of your ambitions. Instead of fantasizing about what kind of mansion you'll buy when you win the lottery, you ask yourself, Do I own socks? Do I have a toothbrush? Do I have a shirt that's not covered in blood?

L.A. is what happens when a bunch of Lovecraftian elder gods and porn starlets spend a weekend locked up in the Chateau Marmont snorting lines of crank off Jim Morrison's bones.

Death, like birth, is a secret of nature." Only with birth you get a blanket and a bottle. You get a blanket with death too, but they call it a shroud and everyone else gets the bottle.

Kids need their minds blown every now and then. It'll keep them from thinking that managing a McDonald's is the most they can hope for.

Everything's show biz in the end

I mean, there's doomed. There's screwed. And there's monsoons-in-Hell fucked. And we're at fucked o'clock.

Maybe that's why Heaven is silent and God doesn't speak to man anymore. Heavenly intervention would blow the point spread.

No need to kill everyone. They know not to let their Chihuahuas piss on my lawn.

Thank God for whiskey or the world would be so full of secrets the weight would spin us into the sun.

Everyone in California is a Buddhist for fifteen minutes. Then they realize they're not allowed to eat chili dogs and enlightenment starts sounding like a real drag.

Calm down. Deep breaths. Go to your happy place. Oh, wait. I don't have one.

She looks like she just saw a ghost, a unicorn, and Hello Kitty having a three-way in a clown car and they didn't invite her. I

Words are weapons. They blast big bloody holes in the world. And words are bricks. Say something out loud and it starts turning solid. Say it out loud enough and it becomes a wall you can't get through.

I should sit down and make a list of everything I missed while I was gone. If you can't smoke in bars anymore, what other atrocities has the world committed?

So, you're the angel of Death?" The angel shook his head, a little embarrassed. "I don't have that honor. In Heaven, I'm the celestial who bears the great golden quills, the silver Chroma, the holy vellums upon which the Lord God inscribes the fate of the universe." Tiras's eyes narrowed. "You're in charge of office supplies. You're the angel of office supplies." The

Nothing nice happens to murdered women.

You're a philosopher." "No. Just drunk.

Don't be stupid. Of course I'll help you. We must always look after our friends, even when they are foolish. Especially when they are foolish.

If Mason wasn't crazy before, he's definitely joined the banana army now.

You have to burn beliefs when they become convenient lies solely for the purpose of gaining and holding power.

How do you explain to someone that you understand their fear, then convince them that it's going to be all right? In my experience, the more you talk about what scares them, the worse it gets. There's not much to do but ride out the fear with them and try to keep them away from liquor and razor blades.

Make her stop. I'm hungover and she has a robot. It's not fair." "Life is fair only in the grave and in the bedroom. This, you will notice, is neither.

She looks like a librarian with some money and good taste in clothes, but underneath the Versace, she's Godzilla with tits.

It's like God left his lunch in the microwave and you get to finish it.