Quotes from Jana Deleon

I've barely said five words to you. What indication could you possibly have that I am a Yankee?" "Well, we could start with the words 'what indication.' Someone from south of the Mason-Dixon would have said, 'Who the hell are you calling a Yankee?' Then we would have fought.

Facebook had to be the biggest playground for self-absorbed assholes that the world had ever seen.

Are you sure you weren't adopted?" "Mom would like to think so, but it was a natural birth, so her memory's real clear.

I'd always gone out of my way to streamline my life—removing all potential complication. I suddenly realized that mostly meant not having people around. Clearly, people were the biggest complication life threw at you.

Young love ends for hundreds of different reasons," Gertie said and sighed. Ida Belle nodded. "But usually, life strangles it to death.

You really got him!" Gertie yelled. "Holy crap! I ate a bug. Jeez, someone get some mouthwash. Gah! I ate another one.

If we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at?" I stared at her. "Other people?

If our mothers are rolling over every time we do something on their list of things a lady shouldn't do, they've been flopping like flounder since they were buried.

Slapping a man across the face with a fish hasn't been sexy since the fifties.

Don't let the decor distract you," Gertie said. "I'd have to go blind for this not to distract me." "Got that right," Ida Belle grumbled. "Makes my butt itch, it's so loud." Gertie

You're implying that Gertie is too old to be having fun, and that's wrong. If Gertie wants to dress like a hooker and ride an alligator float down the bayou when she's a hundred and two, she should do it.

She closed her eyes and shook her head. I was fairly certain she was praying—whether it was for strength or a vial of untraceable poison, I wasn't certain.

You can't be a member of the Sinful Ladies Society if you have a husband. The original members, like me, are all old maids. We're finally starting to allow widows in, but their husbands have to be dead for at least ten years. Why ten years? Seems to take that long to deprogram them from silly man thinking.

Did you ever think you had all the answers when you were in the thick of something, but then when you take a step back, you realize you were so busy getting things done that you never stopped to ask yourself if it's what you really want to do?

God doesn't care about drinking beer. All those rules were made up by people trying to prevent you from doing something really wrong. Drunks make stupid decisions. If you don't drink, there's less chance of doing something stupid.

One time," Gertie said. "You go out into a hurricane one time and you never hear the end of it.

Lord save us all from the machinations of an intelligent female.

My mom always said we can't pick our family," he said, "but we can make our own. I've got some relatives I prefer at a distance and some friends I'd give the shirt off my back.

To my husband, Harold, I leave the Lower Bayou Motel. You've spent so many nights there with other women that I felt you should call the place home. It's been operating in the red for the last eight years, owes back taxes since 1986, and is covered with deadly asbestos. Nothing but the best for you, dear.

I don't know whether to be happy he's made my job so easy," Carter said, "or pissed off that someone that stupid not only roams the earth, but lives in my hometown.

It always feels better when someone understands that you're standing in a shit storm holding a broken umbrella.

think sometimes it takes a life-changing event to make us really see the way we're living based on the choices we've made.

Ida Belle nodded. "All sorts of things rose out of the ground during Edgar. Why, my mother's coffin popped straight up out of the grave and cruised down Main Street. I always said you couldn't keep Moter down

True,'' Ida Belle said, ''but despite all of that, he's still interested. I may be an old maid, but I know what male interest looks like.'' Gertie waved a hand at her. ''Walter slipping you a free pack of toilet paper with your grocery order hardly qualifies as the ultimate in male interest. But despite Ida Belles overblown description of her knowledge of how men think, I think she's right this time