Quotes About Life

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

Accidents will occur in the best regulated families.

All I want for my birthday is another birthday.

If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

You'd be amazed how much research you can get done when you have no life whatsoever.

Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage, the shorter the trip.

I've developed a new philosophy...I only dread one day at a time.

Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street.

Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, "What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!"

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

I've risen from the dead. Though sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I feel like I've died. I swear I'm aging in dog years. But no, I'm not dead. It's funny how stuff like that gets started.

Gray is a crown of splendor: it is attained by a righteous life.

Youth is like a long weekend on Friday night. Middle age is like a long weekend on Monday afternoon.

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive it isn't.

Yesterday, at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how he prepared the chicken. He replied, "We don't...we just tell it straight that it's going to die!"

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.

There is a sanctity involved with bringing a child into this world, it is better than bombing one out of it.

Beer is the cause and solution to all of life's problems

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living