Quotes About Experience

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.

Everyone coming out of a perfume store is smelling the back of their hand.

I think you learn more if you're laughing at the same time.

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity.

Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.

Doing is better than not doing, and if you do something badly you'll learn to do it better.

So far, this is the oldest I've been.

Seeing is believing to most families who have lived with a drinker.

Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.

I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.

Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.

I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

The experienced pastor will recognize to which situation humor belongs and to which belongs sobriety.

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.

Sell your presence and purchase bewilderment.

Young men speak about the future because they have no past, and old men speak of the past because they have no future.

A person without regrets is called a corpse.

One does not go to Moscow to get fat.