Quotes About Humor

Well, hi, CeeCee, I said. Hi, Adam. Nice of you two to drop by. Ever heard of knocking? Oh, please, CeeCee said. Why? Because we might interrupt you and your precious Jesse? Jesse, upon hearing this, raised his eyebrows. Way up.

I like 'em big. And stupid. Don't tell my husband.

Lana says J.P. makes Matt Damon from the Bourne movies look like Oliver from Hannah Montana

It was only when they'd rounded the corner toward the Penguin that we finally sat up, Laughing semi-hysterically. Oh my God, did you see her face? Becca asked between guffaws. 'There's something in my hair!' That was fantastic, Crazytop, Jason said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. Best master plan yet.

So Uncle Stuart is marrying that lady? Mom says she's going to be our aunt Amy. She's okay except she would't try any peanut butter M&M chocolate chip fudge cookies. They were good- you ate five, remember? But she said she was on a special diet, and couldn't eat something called carbs. We told her we didn't put any carbs in our cookies, just M&Ms, but she said M&Ms were carbs. Uncle Mitch, what's carbs? email to Uncle Mitch from Haily and Brittany

Cal: "Could you write a little bigger? I'm not sure China saw that." Every Boy's Got One

This is exactly why Patrick and I chose not to have children. he muttered. So we would never have to have conversations like this. Andy yet...here I am?If you could answer the question, I said as politely as I could, that would be great. I really don't want to have a freaky demon baby, and I can't imagine John wants one, either

Hey, Dopey said when I was finished reading. How come they never mentioned me? I'm the one who found the skeleton. Oh, yeah, Sleepy said in disgust. Your role was really crucial. After all, if it wasn't for you, the guy's skull might still have been intact.

I can't join a gym! I'm depressed, not suicidal!

I swear, sometimes I am convinced my life is just a series of sketches for America's Funniest Home Videos, minus all that pants-dropping business. Except my life really isn't all that funny if you think about it.

I look around for a conveniently loaded pistol.Sadly, there doesn't seem to be one available, so I have no choice but to answer the question. - Queen of Babble Gets Hitched

Also, I think I felt something come loose back there. I'm not trying to overact or anything, but I think it was my uterus. Honest. I think my uterus jiggled free.

That's enough of that, Jesse said. Next thing I knew, he'd scooped me up. Only instead of carrying me to my bed and setting me down on it all romantically, you know, like guys do to girls in the movies, he just dumped me onto it, so I bounced around and would have fallen off if I hadn't grabbed the edge of the mattress. Thanks, I said, not quite able to keep all of the sarcasm out of my voice.

Emerson:bite me Whitne:you wish

Sorry, Bex, Jason said You don't have the recognizable facial characteristics - such as a huge chin, or a large amount of real estate between the eyes - that would merit the bestowing of a criminal mastermind nickname such as Lockjaw or Walleye. Whereas Crazytop here...well, just look at her. Atleast I can blow-dry my hair straight, I pointed out. Which is more than what I can say for your nose, Hawkface.

There are nice, funny, totally good-looking guys out there. You just have to know where to look…and apparently, where NOT to look.

Jesse, who had not stirred the whole time from the spot he'd been standing, confident I could handle Cheryl myself, was grinning. It's every girl's dream to guy to go to prom with the guy she loves? he echoed, not just one, but both inky black eyebrows raised. Don't start with me, I said. I tried to hide my suddenly flaming cheeks by scraping away what was left of the cannolis, and replacing them with the contents of an upended bag of chocolate chip cookies. I have things to do.

What the hell were you thinking? Sleepy demanded. Did Pamela Anderson die and leave an opening on the Baywatch rescue squad or something?

All men are pigs and I hope they die and monkeys take over, then things would be way better.

I know. I seriously need to just give up men entirely. I wonder if Episcopalians can enter convents?

Did you let him know that if he can't see fit to return your blow job immediately, you will have no choice but to sue?

You know it gets me hot when you're mad. What are you wearing right now under your stethoscope?' 'You're not funny.' 'Oh, come on. I'm a little funny.

I know it's probably wrong to fantasize about giving a nun a karate chop in the neck, but I couldn't help it. She was making me mad.

It was around then that the phone rang. It was my friend Cee Cee, wanting to know if I cared to join her and Adam McTavish at the Coffee Clutch to drink iced tea and talk bad about everyone we know.