Quotes About Humor

You know why farts smell?" "I don't." "So the deaf can enjoy them too.

I can unbutton your breeches and I can point you down wind, but even with the Good Lord's help I can't piss for you.

Life is a jest of the Gods, Merlin liked to claim, and there is no justice. You must learn to laugh, he once told me, or else you'll just weep yourself to death.

He won't be happy," I said happily.

You must learn to laugh, he once told me, or else you'll just weep yourself to death.

Para algo que ha salido chorreando del culo de una cabra, no eres del todo inútil .

What in the holy name of a holy harlot,' Culhwch asked Galahad, 'is a holy ghost?

The first stone, thrown by Hellgiver, crashed through the roof of a dyer's house close to St Brieuc's church and took off the heads of an English man-at-arms and the dyer's wife. A joke went through the garrison that the two bodies were so crushed together by the boulder that they would go on coupling throughout eternity.

Bishop Asser was an earsling, which is anything that drops out of an arse.

Your mother didn't give birth to you," I told him, "but farted you out of her shriveled arsehole.

you're such a curmudgeon that only the trees can put up with you," Aigilaos shot back with a laugh. "And only because they can't run away." The

Aristotle could have avoided the mistake of thinking that women have fewer teeth than men, by the simple device of asking Mrs. Aristotle to keep her mouth open while he counted.

I think every big town should contain artificial waterfalls that people could descend in very fragile canoes, and they should contain bathing pools full of mechanical sharks. Any person found advocating a preventive war should be condemned to two hours a day with these ingenious monsters.

Nunca ha estado del todo claro si el secreto de la felicidad consiste en no ser completamente imbécil o en serlo.

Ser-se único é uma coisa, mas pertencer a um rebanho de pecadores não tem piada.

I am sometimes shocked by the blasphemies of those who think themselves pious--for instance, the nuns who never take a bath without wearing a bathrobe all the time. When asked why, since no man can see them, they reply: Oh, but you forget the good God. Apparently they conceive of the Deity add a Peeping Tom, whose omnipotence enables Him to see through bathroom walls, but who is foiled by bathrobes.

El autor anónimo de estos versos no buscaba una solución para el ateísmo, ni la clave del universo; estaba simplemente pasándoselo bien.

Junior was eleven. The statement is significant. There are a few peevish people in the world who believe that all eleven-year-old boys ought to be hung. Others, less irritable, think that gently chloroforming them would seem more humane. A great many good-natured folks contend that incarceration for a couple of years would prove the best way to dispose of them.

I had a vibrator once. Had two speeds. Oh, My and Oh, God. Big Al, I called it. Seemed more subtle than big Dick.

And in the distance a toad farted ominously.

What's the difference between eccentric and crazy?' She lifted her hands above her head, tapped her zills together, and danced out the door. From over her shoulder she laughed and called out, 'Nobody knows!

Texans didn't have the vocabulary God gave a groundhog.

Republicans are easy to make fun of.

I think Rush have always had this reputation, particularly to non-fans, of being an ultra-serious and cerebral group when, in fact, the reverse is true. We don't take ourselves seriously at all. Sure, we take our music seriously, but that's altogether different.