Quotes About Humor

Another one of life's little jokes. I thought it was a tumor 'til it started to kick.

Whenever Jehovah's Witnesses appear at my door, I always ask for their addresses first thing, assuring them that I'll be around later in the week to plague them with my views. While

I`ve collected his life insurance, that`s how dead he is!

Shitting on a mouse is not expressly forbidden under California law.

The only cleavage I got left, I sit on," she said and then hooted at herself.

up. A singsong voice said, "At the sound of the tone, General Telephone time will be twelve o'clock, exactly." I burst out laughing and Althea looked at me.

Now that psychiatrists are defrocked weekly in New Yorker cartoons, it's difficult to recall what this once meant, how seriously men like him were taken.

Aunt-Sister said Charleston had a case of the grandeurs. Up till I was eight or so, I thought the grandeurs was a shitting sickness.

Who do you think you are, Julius Shakespeare?" The man sincerely thought that was Shakespeare's first name, and if you think I should have corrected him, you are ignorant about the art of survival. He also referred to me as Miss Brown-Nose-in-a-Book and occasionally as Miss Emily-Big-Head-Diction. He meant Dickinson, but again, there are things you let go by.

I pee in the toilets of my enemies, so that when they flush my pee comes out

I know I ate at least four cookies, which probably guarantees me a first-class ticket to hell for gluttony.

guess I always felt even if the world came to an end, McDonald's would still be open. Mom

don't expect us to be too impressed, we just saw Finnik Odair in his underwear!

Positive humor is one of our most valuable tools for strengthening family bonds. But humor that belittles can be extremely damaging within the family. Children take sarcasm and humorous exaggeration at face value. They are not worldly enough to understand that a parent is joking when he says something like, "We're going to have to send you to preschool in China." Instead, the child may have nightmares about being abandoned in some frightening, distant land.

If one really stopped to think about the insane way the universe is arranged one would go mad in no time, so now and then it's good to laugh, it's therapeutic, it dilutes the pain

This bastard was in a self-help program? For what? Square-jawed, cleft-chin sufferers? Handsome Bastards Anonymous?

It's been a pretty tough day, he said. No sense making it worse with a salad.

The last time I dated, dinosaurs roamed the earth. We didn't even have electricity.

So are you naked?" The switch in topic caught her unaware. She shimmied a little deeper into the sleeping bag. "I, ah, left on my panties." Zane swore softly. "I guess I deserved that for asking." "Deserved what?" "You don't want to know.

Sounds like we have company," he said. "We're close to Stryker land. Guess they decided to say hi. You go on ahead. I need a few minutes." When he pointed at the front of his jeans, she blushed. "Oh. I see your problem. Well, you could walk right behind me and no one would notice." He chuckled. "I'll wait it out. Go on.

Condom," she gasped. A movement stopped. "What?" Phoebe felt the earth open up in preparation of swallowing her. How could she have not mentioned this before? "I'm not on anything right now," she whispered. "Birth control. I'm not on the Pill." She gestured helplessly. "Shit, fuck, damn." Disappointment tied her in knots. "I was really only interested in that middle part," she joked.

Shit, fuck, damn." Disappointment tied her in knots. "I was really only interested in that middle part," she joked.

I like that you're emotionally broken," she said cheerfully. "It keeps the playing field level." "I'm not broken. I'm quirky." "Is that what we're calling it?" she asked.

Sarcasm is like Jell-O. It's always the right time and there's always room.