Quotes About Humor

Whoever heard of cats doing anything useful!" "Except for staring at one in a supercilious manner," said Strange. "That has a sort of moral usefulness, I suppose, in making one feel uncomfortable and encouraging sober reflection upon one's imperfections.

I shall advise all the good-looking women of my acquaintance not to die

She decided that if Lucas was gay then she was going to have to get a sex change operation. He would be so worth it.

Silas's last book: mother lying-in with her eleventh upstairs, father laid-out after his ninth downstairs, eldest son lying to the Government in the cow-shed, eldest daughter lying with her lover in the hayloft, everyone else lying low in the barn. The rain dripped from the thatch, and the manure steamed in the midden. Silas never omitted the manure.

There was no doubt that being a little on the plump side kept the lines away; if you had to have a face like a scone it was at least comforting that it was a smooth scone.

Wee Archie was wielding a shepherd's crook that, as Tommy remarked later, no shepherd would be found dead with, and he was wearing a kilt that no Highlander would dream of being found alive in.

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.

Good nonsense is good sense in disguise.

A good sense of humor will get you everywhere.

I was a product of a divorced family and I used humor as a weapon to combat sadness. I used comedy to make my mother laugh in light of the darkness that she faced, and to me it became a very powerful tool at a very young age, at six. I saw how therapeutic it could be.

We've seen some insane signs: 'Is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?' Funny stuff along those lines. Very original. One just said, 'I will do unspeakable things.' I thought that was very interesting - and mildly terrifying!

I'd ask him what the proctological emergency was, and invariably he'd concoct some scenario that would reduce us both to fits of giggling. Plausibility was strained.

He tells me everything he does like any guy would after coming home from work. "Hi honey, bust day at the whore house today. Had to beat up three men and pretend to smoke a little crack".

But I know eventually he will be filed under "H" for "hooker" in my expanding file cabinet of funny stories to be pulled out whenever I need a cheap laugh.

I thought again how odd it was to be on formal terms with someone you had once permitted to lick your ears.

I thought I recognized you." Really? He remembered me looking like Swamp Thing? How flattering.

I know that asshole you were with in college --" "Can we leave that asshole out of it?" Please, gentlemen, one asshole at a time.

I'm never wrong? Who besides Republican presidents and evil masterminds can say that with a straight face?

You're kind of a smart ass when you're not flat on your face.

Rick said, "Is there some place we can go and talk?" "You want to talk?," Keir raised an eyebrow. "I never thought I'd see the day." "Nah, I want to tell you this joke I heard." Keir nodded, patient. "Shoot." "Two Irish cops walk into a bar. The first cop says..." Rick's voice dropped. He said gruffly, "I love you. Come home." Keir managed to keep his voice steady. "What's the other cop say?" The sweetness of Rick's smile was like a kick in his chest. "That's what I'm here to find out, boyo.

She shrugged another plump shoulder. "I never listened to Porter when he got going." Ah. At last. The secret to a successful marriage.

I can't figure out where you put all that," Tucker observed. "You eat like a horse." "It goes straight to my cock