Quotes About Humor

Two things I really wanted to be: a stand-up comic or a New York Yankee - or a really funny New York Yankee.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

Without a dog, I would have tassels on my throw pillows instead of little stubs of yarn that look like small worms. The pillows seem to function just fine without the tassels, so perhaps it isn't a problem.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.' I said, 'You'll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.'

Yeah, well I've always played comedy. My background is musical comedy theatre and that's really where my training is. As an actor, that's my training.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I always like it when I eat myself out of breath. That's a good boost to my day. You know, I'm eating, and I go, 'Oooohhh.' It's better a few moments later when you get to think about it, when you're like, 'Why did I just stop to take a deep breath? Oh yeah, my body also needs air.'

Yeah, I'm the go-to guy for Mexican priests.

The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess so. I guess some do political humor, some do topical humor, but the ones that I like, the ones that are appealing to me, were guys who were just talking to you about their life.

Yeah, it's tough being smart and sexy, too. I have to say, I'm really not that attractive. Until I met my husband, I could not get a date. I promise you it's true. My husband Jeff Richmond saw a diamond in the rough and took me in.

Yeah, I'm running for the White House again. Well, it's not a run, really; it's sort of a brisk walk.

Yeah, I think A Confederacy of Dunces is probably the perfect New Orleans book.

Someone said to me at a party once, 'Oh, yeah, you're a comedian? Then how come you're not funny now?' And I just wanted to say, 'Well, I'm just going to take this conversation we're having and then repeat that to strangers, and then that's the joke. You're the joke later.'

Yeah, I do like scary movies, especially the ones that don't take themselves too seriously.

Yeah, I started with 'The Onion,' that was my first job out of college.

You know I've got a chum, a smashing mate, he's got a dog with no legs, and he calls it a cigarette. It's true, yeah, because at nighttime he has to take it out for a drag.

Yeah, for some reason parrots have to bite me. That's their job. I don't know why that is. They've nearly torn my nose off. I've had some really bad parrot bites.

Sometimes people ask me, 'You do stand-up?' I try explaining what I do, and I don't think they really get it. So: 'Yeah, I do stand-up.' I wish there was one word to express what I do - that way, I don't sound arrogant. Whenever I say I'm a performer, people think I'm a performance artist: 'She paints herself white and pretends to be a flower.'

I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the way they feel about their work. And I, for the most part, am pretty happy person. But, yeah. I go through definite periods of time where I'm not funny. I'm not good. I'm - I don't feel original.

Yeah, I do stand-up, my own type of stand-up.

Yeah, it's kind of tongue-in-cheek. You know, Five Finger Death Punch doing 'Mama Said Knock You Out.' It was just really funny for us.

In order to satirize adequately, I think you need to bring people down to Earth and be like, 'Yeah, these people drink coffee and have tummy troubles and they go to the bathroom like anybody else, and they all have relationship problems, if they even have relationships.'

Because I went from the 'Daily Show' where I was a fake news guy on a fake news show, to 'Bruce Almighty' where I played a news guy, to 'Anchorman' where I played a news guy, now I'm... yeah, I tend to gravitate towards suits.

As the funny guy, the funny frat bro, any time I try out for that role, I get it. Like, I walk in and they're like, 'Yeah, you're it.'