Quotes About Humor

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

When I read about the dangers of drinking, I gave up reading

The patient says, Doctor, it hurts when I do this. The doctor says, Then don't do that!

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

A man walks into a library and says, 'I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology.

Most women are attracted to simple things in life. Like men.

Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks.

A situation is always comic if it participates simultaneously in two series of events which are absolutely independent of each other, and if it can be interpreted in two quite different meanings.

That diversion of life towards mechanism is the real cause of laughter

While Ross and Cockburn were hastily burning the White House and Department buildings, anxious only to escape, and never sending more than two hundred soldiers beyond Capitol Square, the President, his Cabinet, his generals, and his army were performing movements at which even the American people, though outraged and exasperated beyond endurance, could not but laugh.

Overheard at O'Banion's Beer Emporium: Pardon me, darlin', but I'm writin' a telephone book. C'n I have yer number?

The squirrel that you kill in jest, dies in earnest.

They who suspect a Mephistophiles, or sneering, satirical devil, under all, have not learned the secret of true humor, which sympathizes with gods themselves, in view of their grotesque, half-finished creatures.

He said They were heartily welcome to his poor cottage, and turning to Mr. Didapper, cried out, 'Non mea renidet in domo lacunar.' The beau answered, He did not understand Welsh; at which the parson stared and made no reply.

When I am wicked I am in high spirits.

her smile, which was her pretty feature, was never so pretty as when her sprightly phrase had a scratch lurking in it.

Cats and monkeys - monkeys and cats - all human life is there!

You young men have too many jokes. When there are no jokes you've nothing left.

The increasing seriousness of things, then that's the great opportunity of jokes.

Am I grave?', he asked. 'I had an idea I was grinning from ear to ear.' 'You look as if you were taking me to a funeral. If that's a grin, your ears are very near together.

One's theories, after all, matter little, it is one's humor that is the great thing.

It's all a mere mistake and a worry and a joke—and we'll go home as fast as we can!

Let us be vulgar and have some fun, let us invite the President.

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant