Quotes About Humor

For your next act, please don't pull any rabbits out of my... well, hat. .... He licked playfully at her mouth. And ya can't call my manhood 'rabbit'. At least give it a manly name I can brag about.

Ya smell like honey, he said. I'm allergic to bees, she whispered. I'll do my best not to sting ya, love.

Angus skidded to a stop and lifted his jaw as if sensing he was being watched. He looked in her direction and instantly covered his manhood as his eyes caught Jane's shocked face in the tree limbs. Oh, lassie. Oh, naked man, Jane teased before she could stop herself.

Would it make you feel better if I had a panic attack? Jane sat on the couch and suppressed a small yawn. I mean, it's almost four in the morning and a little early for a panic attack, but I can try to muster up the energy to fake one.

For ya, love, I will be anything ya want... even a potato.

It never hurts to have an army of garden gnomes protecting your property.

You can't just bippity-bap with your dipple-stack. - Aunt Polly

I find it funny when people try to brag about being younger than me...like having lived less is an accomplishment. Makes me want to pat them on the head, lol. I'm comfortable with who I am.

To tell me my jokes aren't funny, please flip over your monitor and use the form on the back of this page.

As an author I'm in my head all day and I worry that I lose touch with reality. But then my dog pees on my shoe and I know I've found it again.

Teela turned to Severn. I'm having trouble remembering why I haven't strangled her yet. Severn shrugged. I have that problem myself some days. At the moment, though, the only betting pool in the office seems to be on the Sergeant. Ha-ha. Kaylin said with a distinct lack of cheer. And then, because she was a fiefling, What odds? He cuffed the top of her head.

She had managed to go almost three weeks without being late. Admittedly on two of those days she'd perambulated around the office like someone doing a good imitation of the walking dead - but she'd been timely walking dead, damn it.

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. —WOODY ALLEN

si un gato puede comerse un ratón en un minuto, ¿cuánto tiempo tardan un millón de gatos en comerse un millón de ratones? Respuesta: un minuto.)

The essence of humor is when our simulation of the future is suddenly disrupted in surprising ways.

you see the nonsense behavior of humans, and it becomes amusing. What for everyone else is a big drama, for you becomes a comedy.

My mum's getting married," said Cheryl. "Again. At the Brompton Oratory. Fourth time around the track, this is. They don't say 'Till death us do part' for my mum; they say 'Who's holding ticket number twenty-three?

It wasn't what I was expecting, but like I've always said, if life gives you lemmings, jump off a cliff.

Life is too serious to be taken seriously

You walk like a duck, and quack like a duck, I'm gonna fill your ass full of birdshot like a duck.

Ah, professor, if only you had discovered a way of rejuvenating hair!" Chapter 2

Behemot ukroi? sobie kawa?ek ananasa, posoli? go, popieprzy?, zjad?, a potem tak brawurowo chlapn?? drug? setk? spirytusu, ?e wszyscy zacz?li mu bi? brawo.

Ah,meu senhor,a minha esposa,caso eu tivesse uma,teria corrido sério risco de ficar viúva!Mas felizmente,estou feliz por não ser casado.Ah,meu senhor,será que é possível trocar a liberdade de solteiro por esse fardo pesado?

Your membership cards, please, said the woman. This is really all rather funny! said Koroviev, refusing to give up. A writer isn't a writer because he has a membership card but because he writes. How do you know what bright ideas may not be swarming in my head? Or in his head? And he pointed at Behemoth's head. The cat removed its cap to give the woman a better look at its head. Stand back, please, she said, irritated.