Quotes About Humor

Never trust a woman who gives funny names to means of transport.

You're not suggesting that Vetinari tucks into a nice rat every day? said Angua. I've heard he uses rats as spies, so I don't think he'd use them as elevenses, said Carrot.

It is not a good idea to spray finest brandy across the room, especially when your lighted cigar is in the way.

Really cool people?" said Things Not Working Properly Even After You've Given Them A Good Thumping.

Here you are. Would you like some pickles?" "Pickles gives me the wind something awful." "In that case—" "Oh, I wasn't saying no," Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers.

gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold 'Is there a chorus?' Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold.' said Hwel. 'You left out a gold there.

If he went over the falls now, he might get to the bottom before they did. That wasn't a good sentence, however he tried it.

No, when it came to avoiding going to church, the church he stolidly avoided going to was St. Cecil and All Angels, no-nonsense C. of E., and he wouldn't have dreamed of avoiding going to any other.

That's sarcasm! You can't talk to me like that! You're just a servant! That's right. And so are you.

Even now, if he closed his eyes, he could still see the God of Evolution beaming so happily as the cockroach stirred.

He got down easily by dropping uncontrollably from branch to branch until he landed on his head in a pile of pine needles, where he lay gasping for breath and wishing he'd been a better person.

Well, these guys believe that if you die in battle, some big fat singing horned women carry you off to a sort of giant feast hall where you gobble yourself silly for the rest of eternity, said the rave. It belched genteeley. Damn stupid idea, really. But it just happened! Still a daft idea.

He was, in fact, dead. It would be hard to be deader without special training.

Romancin' is verrae important, ye ken. Basically it's a way the boy can get close to the girl wi'oot her attackin' him and scratchin' his eyes oot.

Susan's gotta poker, you know, it said, as if anxious to be helpful. WELL, WELL. INDEED. MY GOODNESS ME. I fort- thought all of you knew that now. Larst- last week she picked up a bogey by its nose. Death tried to imagine this. He felt sure he'd heard the sentence wrong, but it didn't sound a whole lot better however he rearranged the words.

He ached all over. It wasn't just that his brain was writing checks that his body couldn't cash. It had gone beyond that. Now his feet were borrowing money that his legs hadn't got, and his back muscles were looking for loose change under the sofa cushions.

God does not play games with His loyal servants, said the Metatron, but in a worried tone of voice. Whoopee, said Crowley.

It was then that Marvin got religion. Not the quiet, personal kind, that involves doing good deeds and living a better life; not even the kind that involves putting on a suit and ringing' people's doorbells; but the kind that involves having your own TV network and getting people to send you money.

She managed to come up with the kind of predictions that you can only understand after the thing has happened, said Anathema. Like 'Do Notte Buye Betamacks.' That was a prediction for 1972.

I've just confirmed every bad joke ever told about second violin players. Question: How many second violinists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Answer: They can't go that high. Gerda

DIANA: Mary's right. Give me London any day. It may smell of sewage, but it's our sewage. CATHERINE: Well I can't possibly think of a higher recommendation than that. DIANA: That's sarcasm, right?

I've actually phased out the misogynistic jokes because I used to think that everyone knew that I was joking.

I'm goofy. I like to have fun. I'm always joking around.

Joking about violence is not funny.