Quotes About Humor

There will never be a nuclear war; there's too much real estate involved.

I thought it was funny. I always thought Star Wars and Indiana Jones were basically comedies. The humour came out of their relationships; it came out of the fact that we were basically types.

They said that President Bush's war in Iraq has cost the former Spanish Prime Minister his job. So President Bush isn't losing American jobs anymore, he's branching out to other countries.

In business news, chocolate maker nestle is buying Jenny Craig. Well, that says it all you need to know about the war on obesity, doesn't it? It's over! Apparently we surrendered!

I boast of being the only man in London who has been bombed off a lavatory seat while reading Jane Austen. She went into the bath; I went through the door.

But who in war will not have his laugh amid the skulls?

If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell

Peace be with you, " I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, "and asskicking be with me.

So you, too, like fruitcake? (RW on meeting Lenin in Zurich during World War I.)

Humour is the best weapon to fight any battle. But there is a thin line between humour and humiliation and beware not to cross it.

Men love war because it allows them to look serious because it is the only thing that stops women laughing at them.

'War on Everyone, ' I think... the script was hilarious to me, but it's very dark, dark humor. It's super dark.

The most terrible fear that anybody should have is not war, is not a disease, not cancer or heart problems or food poisoning - it's a man or a woman without a sense of humor.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.

Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner!

On quiet nights, when I'm alone, I like to run our wedding video backwards, just to watch myself walk out of the church a free man.

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills

Love has been described as a three-ring circus: First comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and after that the suffering.

A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet.

I always cry at weddings, especially my own.

My wife is so stupendously ugly it is easier to take her with me than to kiss her goodbye.