Quotes About Humor

Nate tried not to stare at Paul, but he kept thinking of the devilish teenager who'd clowned around on Papa's ships. He'd sneak vinegar into the men's canteens. He'd taught the ship's parrot to cuss in French. Nobody drove Papa and his men crazier — or made them laugh harder.

Have a great day!" she sang as she left, flashing just the quickest middle finger as she walked past

Tell them I have the headache--no, the plague! I need something nice and contagious.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that one only comes up with clever, cutting remarks long after the other party is happily slumbering away.

LIPID (Last Idiot Person I Dated) syndrome: a largely undiagnosed but pervasive disease that afflicts single women.

It is not an easy thing for certain men and women to remain hidden. However, they accomplish this in a variety of ways. Remember the story of the Sufi Master who deliberately passed wind to rid himself of students who were not there out of a love of Essence? Many stories such as this have been told.

It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

You can always tell a real friend: when you make a fool of yourself, he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.

Dog's constipated," said Bert the Shirt. "Who isn't?" said the Godfather.

Nothing is so perfectly amusing as a total change of ideas.

"Pray, my dear," quoth my mother, "have you not forgot to wind up the clock?"—"Good G—!" cried my father, making an exclamation, but taking care to moderate his voice at the same time—"Did ever woman, since the creation of the world, interrupt a man with such a silly question?"

For every ten jokes - thou hast got an hundred enemies...

If you throw up," Kles said unsympathetically, "remember not to face the wind." "Yeah, Koko. You're the one who's been complaining about doing the same things lately," Leech said. "Enjoy it." "Oog, and double oog," was all Koko could say.

I did not know it would be like this," complained Viviana. "I hate slugs." "They like you," said Caitri, subtracting one from Viviana's sleeve. "Anyway, you said you wanted to come," she added primly. "I said I wanted to come but I never said I would not grumble.

I certainly didn't say while writing 'Gossip Girl ' 'Oh this is going to be big!' It was really like, 'Oh god, everyone's gong to hate these people! They're so bratty!' But I actually think what is so appealing about them is the humor in them.

I don't eat chicken abortions!

I usually wouldn't be this close to you without a tetnus shot.

There's a boy who they call Pony! He's always acting gross and horny! He thinks he's got a lot down there, but he sure wears tiny underwear!

Husbands came and husbands went, but dreadful hair lasted forever.

Everything would work out and she wouldn't have to tell Dane that the box full of ancient ivory penises was roaming freely about Kirkall Hall.

When she erupted into rippling peals of laughter, he was offended. True, it had not been much of a proposal, but it was the first of his life and meant a great deal to him. Then her infectious laugh grabbed him and pulled him in to laugh along with her.

What do you get when you cross Ted Kaczynski with Monica Lewinsky? A dynamite blowjob!

James looks up to see Stanley Hewitt leaning though. He doesn't like Stan-a florid ham hock of a man who talks to him loudly and slowly, as if he's hard of hearing, who makes stupid jokes that start 'George Washington, Buffalo Bill, and Spiro Agnew walk into a bar…