Quotes About Humor

Do you want to dance?" he asked. Amy looked at him in surprise. "With you?" Ty grinned. "No - with the giant nutcracker in the corner." -Ty and Amy/ Chapter 5

But what were you doing?' asked her father. 'Looking for the Fairbank rubies,' said Ruby merrily. 'The Count tried to kill me with jellyfish, but you know what? I found them anyway and then he tried to kill me with an octopus.

Then I say, "Let's go and brush our teeth." So Lola says, "But Charlie, I can't brush my teeth because somebody is using my tooth." "But who would use your toothbrush?" I ask. Lola says "I think that lion. I saw a lion with my toothbrush and now he's brushing his teeth with it." "But it isn't this your toothbrush Lola?" "Oh," says Lola, "he must be using yours.

I say 'Mom, how come you don't change into an evening gown for dinner?' She says 'I do, it's called a bath robe. [...]

Agent Kip Holbrook was Ruby's in-training dive partner and the two of them spent a whole lot of time winding each other up. 'Redfort, you call that a punch - I coulda sworn I just got patted on the nose by a plankton.' 'Holbrook, you call that a nose - I coulda sworn I just spotted a rare and ugly sea cucumber.' They got along like a house on fire.

You're a pain in my ass." "I was a pain in the ass long before I met you, Roman. Don't take it personally.

I laugh because your pain is amusing.

What a filthy mind you have. Can't imagine why you're single with a brain as dirty as the one you've got.

Mick, I love your tiger. Which isn't a euphemism for your penis. Though I really like that too.

Andrew, you are aware that no one should be that shade of orange unless they're an Oompa-Loompa,right?

May I ask you a personal question?" "Of course," his father said. "Though if it's how to manage a woman like Rowan, I have no advice. You've met your mother. Women like them do whatever they like and men like us hold on and enjoy the ride." Goddess wasn't that the truth.

You're ballsy, Nats. Jeez." "Pfft. Why do men say that? Balls? If you kick them or bump them or they get cold or too warm, you guys go down for the count. I say I have vagina. Way tougher than balls. Though it does hurt to get kicked there." He sputtered and then laughed and laughed. "We need to think of another term, though. Vagina up? No. I'll think about it and get back to you. So did he agree, then? To sell you the guitar, I mean?

You're ballsy, Nats. Jeez." "Pfft. Why do men say that? Balls? If you kick them or bump them or they get cold or too warm, you guys go down for the count. I say I have vagina. Way tougher than balls. Though it does hurt to get kicked there.

She twisted her fingers and ordered her hormones to knock it off. For all the good that did. They were doing a conga line and had two kegs tapped.

Pfft. Why do men say that? Balls? If you kick them or bump them or they get cold or too warm, you guys go down for the count. I say I have vagina. Way tougher than balls. Though it does hurt to get kicked there.

Dude you say the best stuff. You're so getting lucky.

I didn't grow up identifying with beauty. I grew up thinking I could be smart and funny - those are the things I got feedback on.

I was just teasing," I say. "I myself don't like to eat plain butter, but hey, it's a free world.

Tobin turned to Angie. "I'm such an idiot. Why didn't you remind me?" She smiled drowsily. "That you're an idiot? Okay: you're an idiot." "Oh that's great, thanks," he said. She giggled.

No vaginas at the dinner table!" Dad said.

That's why I love that kid. I can get a proper roasting from him and still be good friends.

In fifty years, we'll be like those old men who spend hours at all-day breakfast diners. We'll have big ears and tufting sprouts of nose hair, and we'll guffaw at everything the other says. Heh-heh-heh, you know it, Roby. Pass the damn ham.

The poop became a poop mountain; the pee became a pee ocean. And then somehow a Poop and Pee Airline was invented to fly travelers to Poop Mountain and Pee Ocean, although the code name for the airline was Dolphin Airlines, to keep the unsuspecting from being tipped off.

it's your birthright to be snarky. Own it. Live it. Rejoice in it.