Quotes About Humor

At one time I wanted to be a comedian.

It's funny: the one time I got star-struck was when I met Snoop Dogg. I gave him a hug and said, 'I love you, man.'

Most men cannot write good sex. I tried one time years ago and showed it to my wife, and she felt like laughing.

We joke that dad's profession was the perfect profession for Jim, because after two years, he'd be like: 'It's time to move, dad. I've lost all my friends.' We were in Iowa one time and dad felt bad because we were leaving for Michigan. He tried to break it to us, and Jim goes: 'Just in time, dad. I just ran out of my last friend.'

Poetry is like making a joke. If you get one word wrong at the end of a joke, you've lost the whole thing.

Twitter is basically just writing a bunch of one-liners - it's a short form or whatever.

I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny.

I don't do one-liners, because you don't learn anything about that comedian.

Twitter is comedy writing. It's one-liners that give way to fully fleshed-out thoughts.

Let's be real, I've got a receding hairline, I'm slow and I'm probably not the most jacked up with abs and all that, but I'm still going to beat you one-on-one.

I wrote a show - just as a joke, actually - and called it 'Bipolar, Bath, & Beyond,' just to bring some humor to it. I wasn't saying to myself that I'll 'come out' with it - I didn't think there was anything to 'come out' with - I was just writing another one-woman show about my life.

'The Onion' is an amazing place to work because it's a bunch of really smart, collaborative writers who aren't afraid to try crazy things.

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

I guess, for me, I've always thought that there was humor everywhere. And as a kid, I just, you know, I grew up an only child, and I - sort of nothing made me happier than to make my parents laugh. I remember I had costumes and things laying around the house that I was, you know, anything that I could do to make my parents laugh.

The only difference between a comedian and someone else? We need to make people laugh more.

The only time I am not talking is when I am dancing. I look like an electrocuted octopus.

You don't need to exorcise your personal demons onstage.

There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage.

When I'm onstage, I'm acting.

I don't really move onstage; all I do is just gradually hunch more and more and jut out at the people in the front row.

I had a moment where I was onstage once... As a comedian, you just think, 'Be funny as possible all the time - like, funny at all costs - jokes, jokes, jokes.' That's how my mentality was.

My favorite comedians are basically themselves onstage.

I sort of write onstage. I'll throw an idea out there, like Home Depot, and just start talking about it.

Lesbian humor isn't trying to sell anything, it doesn't have to sell out. Coming out as a lesbian onstage is still a very political act; if it weren't, more women would do it.