Quotes About Humor

I'm a bit short on brain myself; the old bean would appear to have been constructed more for ornament than for use, don't you know;

How sharper than a serpent's tooth, I remember Jeeves saying once, it is to have a thankless child, and it isn't a dashed sight better having a thankless aunt.

Personally I couldn't manage it. I don't think I ever saw a child who made me feel less sentimental. He was one of those round, bulging kids.

I suppose a man who has been hit over the head with a picture of a girl chirruping to a pigeon and almost immediately afterwards enmeshed in a sheet can never really retain the cool, intelligent outlook.

You can't expect an empty aunt to beam like a full aunt.

What if he does think you the world's premier louse? Don't we all?

I felt like Doctor Watson hearing Sherlock Holmes talking about the one hundred and forty-seven varieties of tobacco ash and the time it takes parsley to settle in the butter dish.

Lady Constance's lips tightened, and a moment passed during which it seemed always a fifty-fifty chance that a handsome silver ink-pot would fly through the air in the direction of her brother's head.

I'm not much of a ladies' man, but on this particular morning it seemed to me that what I really wanted was some charming girl to buzz up and ask me to save her from assassins or something. So that it was a bit of an anti-climax when I merely ran into young Bingo Little, looking perfectly foul in a crimson satin tie decorated with horseshoes.

I say, Bertie, he said, after a pause of about an hour and a quarter. Hallo! Do you like the name Mabel? No. No? No. You don't think there's a kind of music in the word, like the wind rustling gently through the tree-tops? No. He seemed disappointed for a moment; then cheered up. Of course, you wouldn't. You always were a fat-headed worm without any soul, weren't you? Just as you say. Who is she? Tell me all.

Bertie, old man, said young Bingo earnestly, for the last two weeks I've been comforting the sick to such an extent that, if I had a brother and you brought him to me on a sick-bed at this moment, by Jove, old man, I'd heave a brick at him.

Tell him my future is in his hands and that, if the wedding bells ring out, he can rely on me, even unto half my kingdom. Well, call it ten quid. Jeeves would exert himself with ten quid on the horizon, what?

He stood looking at the detective like Schopenhauer's butcher at the selected lamb.

I knew a man once who stammered, said Jimmy. He used to chew dog biscuit while he was speaking. It cured him. Besides being nutritious.

Spink-Bottle, you ghastly goggle-eyed piece of gorgonzola

Captain Bradbury's right eyebrow had now become so closely entangled with his left that there seemed no hope of ever extricating it without the aid of powerful machinery.

Humour, if one looks into it, is principally a matter of retrospect.

Sir Jasper Finch-Farrowmere?' said Wilfred. 'ffinch-ffarrowmere,' corrected the visitor, his sensitive ear detecting the capitals.

I suppose you haven't breakfasted?" "I have not yet breakfasted." "Won't you have an egg or something? Or a sausage or something? Or something?" "No, thank you." She spoke as if she belonged to an anti-sausage society or a league for the suppression of eggs.

If I ever breakfasted at half past eight I should walk on the Embankment, trying to end it all in a watery grave.

His brow was sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought and his air that of a man who, if he had said ''Hullo, girls'', would have said it like someone in a Russian drama announcing that Grandpapa had hanged himself in the barn.

And you call yourself a pal of mine! Yes, I know; but there are limits. Bertie, said Bingo reproachfully, I saved your life once. When? Didn't I? It must have been some other fellow then. Well, anyway, we were boys together and all that. You can't let me down. Oh, all right, I said. But, when you say you haven't nerve enough for any dashed thing in the world, you misjudge yourself.

What ho, Stinker.' 'Hallo, Bertie.' 'Long time since we met.' 'It is a bit, isn't it?' 'I hear you're a curate now.' 'Yes, that's right.' 'How are the souls?

Osbert Mulliner was simply unequal to the task of tackling cavemen.