Quotes About Humor

Eric Cantona is a giggler.

I did not go into comedy to escape anything. I went into comedy because I had parents who thought it was a reputable way to earn a living.

Nobody escapes during Lisa Lampanelli's show.

I can't seem to escape comedy. Whenever I sit down and try to write something serious, it just doesn't work.

Comedy was always an escape for me; I just happened to be a doctor.

I started doing comedy because it was an escape for me.

I guess the essence of my comedy is to get into a very abnormal situation but act like it's normal.

Sometimes people don't want to laugh because it's wrong to laugh at their own establishment.

I do accents. Sometimes when I've had a few drinks, I speak in different accents all night long, and then at the end of an evening someone will say to me, 'Seriously, where are you from?'

I like women. I like them so much, I think every man should own two.

I'm a comic; we get hecklers every night! It's really just part of the job.

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.

Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?" "You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.

Not only will you sleep with me, but you will say 'please.'" I stared at him, shocked. The smile widened. "You will say 'please' before and 'thank you' after." Nervous laughter bubbled up. "You've gone insane. All that peroxide in your hair finally did your brain in, Goldilocks.

Andrea raised her hand. "This is the hand that slapped Aunt B." "Maybe you should have it gold-plated." "Here, you can touch it, since you're my best friend.

How much are you lifting?" "Seven hundred." Alrighty then. I will just stand over here, out of your way, and hope you don't remember to kick my ass. He grinned. "Wanna spot me?" "No thanks. How about I just scream verbal encouragements at you?" I took a deep breath and barked, "No pain, no gain! That pain is just weakness leaving your body! Come on! Push! Push! Make that weight your bitch!

I gave him a smile. I was aiming for sweet, but he turned a shade paler and scooted a bit farther from me. Note to self: work more on sweet and less on psycho-killer.

I'm a substitute mom." "You're more like a crazy aunt who only gets called when somebody needs bailing out of jail.

Yes I can," Curran snarled. "Listen: this is me telling you what you will not do." I raised the cookbook and tapped him on the nose. Bad cat.

Deafness isn't an illness! It's a sexual position!

Man, when reduced to nothing, or in other words a survivor, is not tragic but comic, because he has no fate.

If you can't be a hero, you can at least be funny while being a chicken.

I do not know how to kiss or I would kiss you. Where do the noses go?

Don't belittle yourself or be ashamed of you who you are. That's your husband's job, and he does it so well.