Quotes About Humor

I'm not very good at impersonations.

I think good actors tend to be really funny.

What can a mere French minister do when associated with Lloyd George, who thinks he is Napoleon, and Woodrow Wilson, who thinks he is Jesus Christ?

Occasionally, a finger comes up to wipe a tear [of laughter] from the eye... and that's my reward... the rest goes to the government.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

Government conspiracy? They can't even deliver our mail and it's got our address on it and everything!

If it were not for the government, we should have nothing to laugh at in France.

There was an old Woman who lived in a shoe She had so many children Her government subsidy check came to $4,892.

I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.

[Madame Nhu was] the Sandra Dee of South Vietnam. If I were cast on a desert island with her, I would quickly make friends with the natives.

Remember, half the doctors in this country graduated in the bottom half of their class.

Everything that's difficult you should be able to laugh about.

So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it.

... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.

You might be a redneck if you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

When I was your age, we didn't have the Internet in our pants. We didn't even have the Internet not in our pants. That's how bad it was.

Study hard; and you might grow up to be President. But let's face it: Even then, you'll never make as much money as your dog.

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.

It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.

He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad.

Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.

Great art is horseshit, buy tacos.