Quotes About Humor

She made another sweeping gesture that somehow went wrong because she knocked over the coffee pot and I immediately wrote down six new words which Auntie Mame said to scratch out and forget.

There is no greater fan of fly fishing than the worm.

There is no greater fan of fly fishing then the worm.

While I was explaining to my own doctor that I was planning to undertake some serious exercise, I happened to mention that I thought I had lost quite a bit of weight since my last physical. "You didn't lose it," he said. "It just slipped around to your rear where you can't see it.

One word of caution, though, should you ever buy commercial worms. If you go into a backwoods gas station and find a large, rough-looking woman behind the cash register, don't ask, "Do you have worms?" My friend Retch Sweeney did that a while back. He should get out of his full-body cast any day now.

who did I meet only Mrs Connolly with a grin swinging between her ears like a skipping rope.

she said and gives me this look you'd think she was dying for a shite but was holding it in.

Di solito vogliono che tu tenga la bocca chiusa, a volte pretendono che gridi, e si aspettano che tu sappia la differenza. Era questo che trovava buffo.

You know how to check fer thin ice, boy?" he would ask me. "Wall, what you do is stick one foot way out ahead of you and stomp the ice real hard and listen fer it to make a crackin' sound. Thar now, did you hear how the ice cracked whan Ah stomped it? Thet means it's too thin to hold a man's weight. Now pull me up out of hyar and we'll run back to shore and see if we kin built a fahr b'fore Ah freezes to death!

Ng??i ta không già ?i. V?i nh?ng n?m tháng trôi qua, nhi?u ng??i và nhi?u th? r?t cu?c tr? nên hài h??c và n?c c??i ??n m?c b?n ném vào h? và vào chúng m?t cái nhìn tr? con.

As the years go by, many people and many things end up seeming so humorous and so pathetic that all you can do is try to look at them through the eyes of a child.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.

Poo" Manchee barks quielty to himself. "Poo, poo, poo." "Just have yer stupid poo and quit yapping about it.

The wind picks up a little more (Terribly sorry, I imagine it saying; apparently, the wind is British, wondering how it got all the way over here)

They're just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary . Oh, please, please, save me from the berries!

Rewards, my tender pigpiss.

Need a poo, Todd." "Shut up, Manchee." "Poo. Poo, Todd." "I said shut it.

Back in the nineteenth century, chemists used to joke that you could tell who had just discovered elemental fluorine by reading the obituary columns.

Wit is the unexpected copulation of ideas.

Jack, you've debauched my sloth.

I sew his ears on from time to time, sure.

looking angrily at the wombat: and a moment later, 'Come now, Stephen, this is coming it pretty high: your brute is eating my hat.' 'So he is, too,' said Dr. Maturin. 'But do not be perturbed, Jack; it will do him no harm, at all. His digestive processes--

I have an apple that thinks its a pear. And a bun that thinks it's a cat. And a lettuce that thinks its a lettuce." "It's a clever lettuce, then." "Hardly," she said with a delicate snort. "Why would anything clever think it's a lettuce?" "Even if it is a lettuce?" I asked. "Especially then," she said. "Bad enough to be a lettuce. How awful to think you are a lettuce too.

I swear I've never met a man who has your knack for lack of social grace. If you weren't naturally charming, someone would have stabbed you by now.