Quotes About Humor

It only takes 30 seconds to pluck my eyebrows, but it hurts. I have to tweeze 'em in the middle once a week. Otherwise, I look like Bert from 'Sesame Street.'

I drive my family nuts because when I watch something on TV, I'm likely to watch it with a bass guitar. But I don't plug it in!

I would have rather been beat by a plumber than Kathy Griffin.

Dad, who worked as a plumber, was a quiet and undemanding man who liked to laugh - and he was a very good dancer.

I would say Mick Jagger plus Mr. Furley equals Howard Wolowitz.

Okay, sense of humor: plus one. Being able to laugh at yourself: plus one. Being able to laugh at other people without being mean: plus one. Vanity: minus one.

Colbert makes me crazy: he's so funny. Plus, he seems like an extraordinarily decent dude.

People get so heated about it and can't see the funny side, I think. And plus, everything's been said. It must be really difficult to come up with new jokes about Brexit.

The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.

I went on a Hot Pocket diet where I ate two Hot Pockets every four hours. I only had the pepperoni pizza flavour. I didn't go anywhere near the cheeseburger macaroni.

I'm a comic writer, in some ways, and a comic person when I'm up at a podium, in order to disguise the fact that in my heart I'm disgustingly earnest.

I've always found it funny in life when you meet people who are incredibly stupid and incredibly confident at the same time. Actually, there is nothing funnier. I mean, Donald Trump is a perfect example: he's essentially a seven-year-old on a podium.

I wrote a staggeringly bad poem when I was 19 after a girlfriend dumped me. I seem to remember comparing her to a tarantula. It was all very E. J. Thribb of me.

My poems... the ones that start out as jokes become these big ponderous things and the ones that start out ponderous devolve into jokes.

I don't think I've ever written a poem whose intention was just to be funny. I've written poems that start out funny and often shift into something more serious.

I love my funny poems, but I'd rather break your heart. And if I can do both in the same poem, that's the best.

Starting after 60, I thought, 'I'm not going to be able to write a book of poems on the 70s. It's going to be all moans and groans and complaints, and what is there to laugh about?' But I found plenty to laugh about.

I saw an e-mail from one guy who's about 23 to one of peers. His parting sign-off was 'Don't let the bedbugs bite.' Now that's really poetic.

'Baskets' is incredible - 'Baskets' is so funny and poignant and sad and dark.

Deep poignant pathos can be described better in dark humour.

One thing that I have noticed is that whatever be the function, however poignant or serious, the audience always prefers a speech laced with a bit of humor.

I enjoy humor with a poignant touch.

If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.

The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer.