Quotes About Humor

I was brought up a Jew but, you know, that way of being Jewish - the New York way. We were stomach Jews; we were Jewish-joke Jews. We were bagel Jews. We didn't go to synagogue. I'm frightened of synagogue to this day.

There's drag queens who lip sync brilliantly. There's drag queens who sing live brilliantly - none of those are me.

Folks are astounded that 'judge' isn't a synonym for 'humorless Luddite.'

Jokes that are gratuitously offensive are synonymous with bad writing to me. I'm offended as a writer first and as a person second.

I'm slightly concerned, because as a centre-half who took a lot of knocks to the head I'm not normally synonymous with being a fashion icon.

I'm not for gratuitous nudity, but if there's humor, I don't have a problem.

Are you kidding? I'm a terrible cook, but John is a really great one. Literally, I never cook. The whole time we were dating, I prepared two officially romantic meals. Both of them were such disasters that he begs me never to go into the kitchen again.

What is the actual plural of "penis"?' I ask. 'Is it "penises"?' 'Or it could be "peni"?' offers Cassie. 'Like fungi.' 'I think it should be "pena",' I tell her. 'Although that does sound a bit like a type of pasta.' 'Ohh, ohh, I've got it,' cries Cassie. 'You know that "goose" becomes "geese"? What if one penis becomes many "poonis"?

Nice tights," I snorted. Or I tried to snort, anyway. I'm not exactly sure how, though people in books are always doing it.

Of all the secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood the most divine was humor.

She relaxed against him. "I need to sleep." "Good idea. Too bad we have to move to get under the covers." "And maybe put on some pants and a bra in case someone comes in." "I don't need a bra." "Funny.

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Eric Forman: Good morning! What's for breakfast? Red Forman: Good morning? It's 1:30 in the afternoon! Where have you been? Eric Forman: Well, I've spent all morning in bed. Reading. I thought 'Why get out of bed when you can read about people who did?' Red Forman: You're about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called on the road to in your ass.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Tushy McBottomchu, or

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

I didn't much believe in god and the things people labeled as miracles did little to convince me otherwise, but it was at times like these that made me consider which was the more cruel: a cold and random universe or a god with a perverse sense of humor? With all due respect to Blaise Pascal, I chose to believe that no god was better than a cruel one.

When you finally accept that you're a complete dork, your life gets easier. No sense in trying to be cool.

Evidently, God has a sense of humor because He created a wide variety of people who have different outlooks when it comes to the amount of structure and order they prefer.

Before reading about all of the world's messes, I need to be in a good place, soothed and comforted. Prepared. So I read the comics first.

The problem probably started when I refused to call the process of purchasing the device an "upgrade." When I buy a new roll of toilet paper, I do not refer to it as "upgrading" my toilet paper even if, for some uncanny reason, the new roll is slightly better than the previous one.

Most folks with a terrific sense of humor know that loneliness, anxiety, depression and comedy share a basement apartment in a sketchy neighborhood.

Bear heard Rose in the background saying, 'Why thank you, Mr. Fish.' 'Good redhead. Helpful redhead,' Fish returned.