Quotes About Humor

My husband says I feed him like he's a god; every meal is a burnt offering.

If men stopped making fools of themselves in front of women, I'm 80% sure the planet would cease to spin on its axis.

Mummy always had French maids, and Daddy always chased them. It kept their marriage happy.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph," I muttered, giving those men a haughty stare.

I laughed. "I must have the only servant who never attempts to put on any airs and graces for me." "But then she's a hopeless case, we all admit that,

It was like smiling at a gargoyle.

Belinda laughed. "Darling, if only true virgins were allowed a white wedding, church organists would die of starvation.

Darcy laughed.

room. The other cooks broke into chuckles. "Blasted cheek," Mr Angelo

Clearly the world wasn't as natural as we had always assumed. Someone or something had designed it, a joker perhaps, or if geology really was responsible, then blind physical forces had no less a sense of humour than the gods, which is not implausible.

DN: I know a certain human with his brains in his, his other end.

No Comic Sans?

You guys go ahead, I'm just going to harvest his kidneys and I'll catch up.

Promise me...that you'll...*cough*...you'll dispose of my body in the waste receptacles...conveniently located by the theater exits...

Hi Haley. look, I found all these free swords. They were in my spleen.

As an American, I'd like to apologize-for everything.

My eyebrows went past my hairline. In fact, I have not located them since. I think they are hiding behind my ears.

But alpacas don't lay eggs!

I had a professor one time... He said, 'Class, you will forget almost everything I will teach you in here, so please remember this: that God spoke to Balaam through his ass, and He has been speaking through asses ever since. So, if God should choose to speak through you, you need not think too highly of yourself. And, if on meeting someone, right away you recognize what they are, listen to them anyway'.

When I die, they're going to have to bury me because if they don't, I'll stink up the place.

discovered a new position for intercourse (turned out to be a minor variation on Old Hundredth; Freddie snorted and shook his carrotty curls) to a recipe for chocolate sour cream waffles in cannabis sauce.

The author apologizes for being unable to afford a ghost writer, which explains the lack of a distinctive prose style.

Finally, we thank the San people themselves for their unfailing hospitality (after their own fashion) toward more than a dozen researchers over as many years. We have all come to appreciate their cheerfulness in the face of adversity, their peculiar sense of humor, and their fierce egalitarianism.

You were starting to sound a little like a Stephen King novel for a while there