Quotes About Humor

I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much.

I've been doing comedy and paying my bills.

Kids are incredibly expensive. But it pays off later when they are better educated, bigger, and better-looking than you. And find you incessantly boring and uncool.

On American TV, there just aren't a lot of female leads in comedy, especially at the peak of all the Judd Apatow stuff.

The best thing I can make is a peanut butter-and-jelly sandwich.

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

Fats - very funny man, but every note that he played was like a pearl.

Peas are terrible and a joke food.

The thing about Black Eyed Peas is we're very humorous. All we do is laugh all day.

I live my life in a very peculiar way where nothing gets my goat as such. I don't look at things in a manner where they offend me. I look at things in a manner where they amuse me.

Brits have a peculiar sense of humour. I love it.

After doing One Fine Day and playing a pediatrician on ER, I'll never have kids. I'm going to have a vasectomy.

During a fight with Anderson Silva, I slipped on an imaginary banana peel.

My belief about acting in one foot on a banana peel and the other one in the grave.

Never leave a pen around me - it will be gone.

He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

It's a little bit embarrassing to say but... I wanted to be a penguin.

I like Penny. She's cool. Yeah, she dates some idiots, but, although, so have I. So yeah, I would be friends with her. We'd have a lot to talk about.

I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

People are so difficult. Give me an elephant any day.

I have a good sense of humor. I'm confident, passionate and honest. I'm a people person.

People say I look so happy - and I say, 'That's the Botox.'