Quotes About Humor

What are you eating?" he ask us. "Whatever won't kill me, please" I said. "Whatever don't kill you'll make you stronger" says Eddie, who is always ready with folksy wisdom. "All right," I say. "Then give me whatever will make me stronger." "One pizza, coming up.

Poor David Hume is dying fast, but with more real cheerfulness and good humor and with more real resignation to the necessary course of things, than any whining Christian ever dyed with pretended resignation to the will of God.

He: "Whale you be my valentine?" She: "Dolphinitely.

Hoddies are pants for your arms!

I kicked, shouted an obscene word, got another faceful of goo for my troubles, and did the only thing left available to me. I started to laugh. This was a stupid way to die, all right. But also a god damned funny one.

God made man, and then said I can do better than that and made woman.

God made man, and then he said, 'I can do better than that.' and made woman.

Don't worry, Duffy. I like you. We'll kill you last.

You painted it pink?' Price asked with a grin. 'That's lavender, you colour-blind eejit,' I said. McCallister saw that Price clearly hadn't got the message yet. 'Hey lads, you know why Price nearly failed the police entrance exam? He thought a polygon was a dead parrot.' The lads chuckled dutifully and somebody punched Price on the shoulder.

How do you feel about homosexuals, Mr. Scavanni?' I asked. 'I think they're great. More women for the rest of us,' he said sarcastically.

When Lascelles suggested to George VI that he give Hardinge six months' leave to reflect on his position, the king replied, "Certainly not—he might come back.")

When I die,' I said to my friend, 'I'm not going to be embalmed. I'm going to be dipped.' Milk chocolate or bittersweet was the immediate concern.

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.

Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.

Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office.

Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes.

I'm a guy who's passionate about singing, but I can't sing for crap.

I am kinda like, if I don't really know people I am a little passive and a little quiet, and you know most of my friends they know a different side of me, so I guess that's what kinda Twitter gets to see a little bit, things that I would say around my friends and joke around with.

For me, humor was always my passport into new communities.

When you go to church, if the pastor at some point doesn't make you laugh, he probably ain't gonna make you join.

I wanted to be a pastor. I was going to be a youth pastor. I mean, I play guitar; I like to make people laugh.

If you can make people laugh, you know you're getting it right; it's an instant pat on the back.

My humor is traced with dark - I've got dark patches all over the place.

To really be on stage and not know what you're going to say, and to be able to say something that makes people laugh, or do something that's sort of abstract or off the beaten path and have people connect to it by just putting your ideas together, that really makes me happy.