Quotes About Humor

How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" "I don't know. How many?" "Eight." "Why?" "Oh, stop overanalyzing it.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

There is nothing funny about dogs playing poker. There is nothing remotely cute about animals with gambling problems. If you look closely at those paintings, you can tell that most of those dogs are playing with money they can't afford to lose. And sadder still, it takes seven of their dollars to make one of ours.

How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

I'd rather be funny than wise.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

And obviously everybody has a different sense of what's funny. If you need confirmation of that, I would remind you that "Saved By the Bell" recently celebrated the taping of their one-hundredth episode.

Dennis Miller

FIVE – This is very important. During lovemaking: Don't ask, "Who's your daddy?" Even as a joke. All right? It's not funny.

Everybody loves Mushroom because he is a fun guy. And Button Mushrooms go very well with Jacket Potatoes.

I aime cette définition humoristique du ciel et de l'enfer. Il est dit que le ciel est là: Les Français sont les chefs. Les Italiens sont les amateurs. Les Britanniques sont la police. Les Allemands sont les mécaniciens. Et la marque Suisse tout fonctionne à l'heure. l'enfer est là: Les Britanniques sont les chefs. Les Suisses sont les amateurs. Les Français sont les mécaniciens. Les Italiens font tout fonctionner à temps. Et les Allemands sont la police.

La diferencia entre un diplomático y un marido es que el diplomático recuerda el cumpleaños de una mujer, pero no recuerda su edad, mientras que el marido recuerda la edad de su esposa, pero se olvida de su cumpleaños. Ser un esposo diplomático!

La plupart des femmes obtiennent leur belle apparence de la mère, à moins que le papa se trouve être un chirurgien plastique.

Most of the women get their beautiful looks from the Mom, unless the Dad happens to be a Plastic Surgeon.

One who laughs last always laughs longest, because he/she gets the joke last.

One who laughs last may get the joke last, but still laughs the longest, Laughter is the best medicine! Enjoy!

Si su novio piensa que Coca-Cola Light o pepsi de dieta es la dieta equilibrada para su desayuno, estás saliendo con un hijo varón.

Some people have the last laugh because they always get the joke last, and they still don't realize that the joke is on them. They just laugh last and the longest.

Two Chemists went in a bar. One Chemist asked the waiter to get him H2O, and the second Chemist said that he would have H2O too. The waiter told them that they don't serve H2O2 because it's a powerful oxidizing agent.

Two people went on a Bear hunting trip. When they hit the highway, they saw the sign 'Bear left'. So they immediately took the next exit and went home.

When a Chemical Engineer tries to flirt with a girl, he tells her that she must be made of Copper and Tellurium because she's so CuTe.

Christ! He thought we even have a male stripper. What's he going to do, throw his thong at the vampires?