Quotes About Humor

Kenspeckle: Have you eaten? Valkyrie: One of your assistants brought me a burger for breakfast Kenspeckle: I meant, have you eaten sensibly? Valkyrie: I was very sensible while I was eating the burger. Didn't miss my mouth once

We came here unarmed." Donegan said cheerfully, and Gracious looked at him. "You're unarmed?" he asked, surprised. "Yes," Donegan said. "Aren't you?" "Well I suppose so. Apart from my gun." Donegan glared at him. "What? Why did you bring a gun? I told you to come unarmed." "I thought you were joking." "Why would I be joking?" "I don't know, I thought that's what made it funny.

You got stuck in a wall?" she said. "For how long?" "A few minutes. Half an hour. An hour at the most. Maybe two. Or a day. Remember that day I called Valkyrie and told her to take the afternoon off? Yeah, I was stuck in a wall.

His hair is huge!... Look!... It's just sticking up at odd angles! Like a demented porcupine! - Desmond, about Fletcher's hair

trust you with my life," Skulduggery said. "Just not necessarily my car.

After Skulduggery kills Valkyrie* Skulduggery: This has been a good day so far, all things considered, I have the location of the Grotesquey and I got to kill Valkyrie, which admittedly is something I've been wanting to do since I met her, she can be incredibly annoying Scapegrace: Um Skulduggery: She hardly ever shut up, I pretended to be the friends with her, but honestly, I just felt sorry for the poor girl. Not the brightest you know. Valkyrie: You're such a goon.

Put a smile on that face, Valkyrie. You're unique. Easily as unique as I am." "Two freaks in a pod, eh?" His head tilted, amused. "Wouldn't have it any other way.

Did you know he once lost a shopping centre? – Stephanie's mum about her dad.

Should we change our name?" Saracen asked. "The Dead People, perhaps?" "The Dead Non-Gender-Specific Persons?" Vex suggested. "Dead Men and a Girl? Dead Men and a Little Lady?

Mum," she called, "we're out of milk." "Damn lazy cows," her mother muttered.

Skulduggery: I don't know what they are, but there are dozens of them, relatively small, moving as a pack Valkyrie: They might be kittens Skulduggery: They're stalking us Valkyrie: They might be shy Skulduggery: I don't think they're kittens Valkyrie: Puppies then?

Do not try to hit me again." "How about me?" Skulduggery said as he ran up behind him. "Can I hit you?

I swear, Skulduggery, you either give me a straight answer or I'm finding the biggest dog you've ever seen and I'm going to make him dig a hole and bury you in it.

You can punch me all you like," he began and Skulduggery said, "Oh, good," and hit him.

A little internal bleeding never hurt anyone. - Valkyrie

I am Detective Inspector Me. This is my partner, Detective Her." The traffic warden frowned. "Her?" "Me," said Stephanie. "Him?" "Not me," said Skulduggery. "Her." "Me," said Stephanie. "You?" said the traffic warden. "Yes," said Stephanie. "I'm sorry, who are you?" Stephanie looked at him. "I'm Her, he's Me. Got it?

Personally, I thin knees should be kept for the eight or ninth date, or the wedding day. As a nice surprise, you know? ' Oh, my darling, you have knees! I never would have thought!

Tanith looked back to Valkyrie. "And Val, relax, OK? We've though of everything." "Skulduggery told me once that only he thinks of everythings, but he doesn't do it very often because it spoils the surprise."... "Easy as proverbial pie." "Unless something goes wrong," Valkyrie said. "Well, yes. Unless something goes horribly, dreadfully wrong. Which it usually does of course.

I, uh, I hit a tree." "Well, I'm sure it had it coming.

I can't tell you how may beautiful women have broken up with me because they were bored. I can't tell you because it never happened. They all adored me." "It was your humility, wasn't it?

Children can be so cruel,' the Doctor said. 'Children's writers can be even worse.

I've always found that ex-girlfriends with bodies are better than ex-girlfriends who are just internal organs locked away in a box somewhere. But I'm old-fashioned like that.

Do you have a weapon for me, or do you want me to beat her to death with a large stick? - Mr Bliss

Well, I don't plan on dying anytime soon, and I've got something he didn't." "And that is...?" "Your hat. Take me with you, or I'll stand on it.