Quotes About Humor

I have chiseled features. Look. Look how chiseled they are. And my teeth are at least as white as his. You seriously think he's good-lookin'?" "I do," said Tanith. "Right," Sanguine said and nodded. "I'm gonna kill him." She kept her laugh soft so it wouldn't travel. "I think he's good-looking, but I think you're better looking." "Oh," Sanguine said. "I mean, yeah. I am. I'm glad you noticed.

That's no dog," he said. "It looks like a monkey and a dog fell in love and had babies and this is the ugly one they didn't want.

He stepped on it. Squished it. Squashed it. Killed it. Cut it down in its prime. It kicked the bucket, turned up its toes, shuffled off this mortal coil. It was... an ex-rabbit." "He's a dangerous man, your father." "The baby better learn to dodge.

I'm not crazy." "I'm not judging you, my dear. Some of my best friends are crazy." He nodded to the corner. "Take Wallace, for example. He's crazy as a loon, aren't you, Wallace?" Valkyrie frowned. "Uh, there's... there's no one there." Meritorious sighed. "That's what we long-term prisoners call dungeon humour. You learn to appreciate it after a few years.

Ah, bless. I've missed her. Do you have bullets?" "Uh, no." Skulduggery paused. "Excellent.

Valkyrie was thankful Fletcher was around. Finally, somebody who knew even less than she did.

Valkyrie dried her hands. "I'm not going to die anytime soon, Clarabelle." "I like your coat by the way." "Thanks." "It's a little small for you though." "Yeah." "Can I have it when you're dead?

I think I have some leftover pizza from when you were last here." "That was two weeks ago." "You think it's gone off?" "I think it's walked off.

Skulduggery shrugged. "When in doubt, wear a hat, that's what I always say.

Cheer up everyone, since we're all going to die horribly anyway, what's there to be worried about? - Skulduggery Pleasant.

We call them groundsharks." Sanguine shook his head immediately. "That's a stupid name. Makes them sound like little shark fins slicing through the living room carpet." "I wanted to call them razorworms," said Persephone. "That's a damn sight better than groundsharks." (Eyes of the Beholder)

Excuse me," said Skulduggery, "I hate to interrupt, but this conversation is boring me." "Because it isn't about you," said Fletcher. "That is indeed why it's boring." "We'll

Until next time," Hansard said, "when hopefully, you won't have my father's vomit in your hair.

Get away from my ex-girlfriend, you moany little whinge-bag. - Fletcher

Don't act offended. You wear a bag on your head.

Does this mean we're now sharing the Bentley?" Skulduggery stiffened. "Dear me, no. Not in the slightest." She clutched the key to her chest. "You mean I now own the Bentley? You're giving her to me?" "OK, I'm changing my mind about this whole thing," he said, and reached for the key. "No take backsies," said Valkyrie, and shut the door.

Thank you again, all of you." He walked away. "But mostly me," Fletcher called after him and Valkyrie punched his arm.

Once his scars were revealed, Tanith kissed him, once, on the lips. "I like steak," she said. "Can't go wrong with steak." "Steak it is," he murmured. He stepped away, and Valkyrie grinned at Tanith. "Oh, good God," China said, rolling her eyes. "I do hope the Remnants kill me first.

Please just admit it," said Valkyrie. "You're going to miss me, aren't you?" "Obviously," said Skulduggery. "Thank you." "like a drowning man misses the land." "Aw w w..." "Like a hesitant man misses the chance." "Yeah..." "Like an oblivious man misses the point." "I have a feeling you're mocking me somehow, but I can't put my finger on how.

It's been a few years since I was on a date, Fletcher, as you can see by my wife …" "Oi.

Remember that day I called Valkyrie and told her to take the afternoon off? Yeah, I was stuck in a wall.

Dexter Vex, he of the chiselled abs and the scuffed boots, and Saracen Rue, of the winning smile and the designer suits,

He took the stick from her, rapped it against her head. She howled and he nodded. "See? It hurts people." She grabbed it off him, smacked it against his skull. "Ow," he said. "Not so funny now, is it?" "Of course not. It's only funny when it happens to other people. I'd have thought that was obvious." She went to hit him again

Skeleton adventures are different. There's more room for puns.