Quotes About Humor

I wake up every morning, look in the mirror and ask, 'Am I a sex symbol?' Then I go back to bed again. It's stupid to think that way.

I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and say 'I can't do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.' I'll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.

If the worst that happens is that I wake up and see a picture of myself and a headline saying, 'He wasn't very funny last night', then I've got nothing to complain about.

I do this thing at every party: I go to a party, I stand around for, like, 45 minutes, and then I turn to my wife and say, 'I think we should go home.' And then we leave, and then I wake up the next morning and say to my wife, 'We don't go out anymore.' It's a great trick.

When I am working, I have two shows on Saturday, and when I wake up, and it's a lovely day, I just cry. I'm joking: I love my job.

I do not read newspaper comics unless they happen to be out when I visit my parents, but I follow several online comics, which I check every morning while I drink my coffee and wake up for the day.

A good joke can spread throughout the Internet between the time you go to bed and the time you wake up, leading to an inbox filled with pictures of funny cats and cheeseburgers.

It pretty much defeats the purpose of bedtime reading if you fall asleep before the kids do. And you tend to wake up with a matchbox stuck on the end of your nose and/or a potty on your head.

I usually need to read emails to actually wake up. I'll read these and Twitter, and my brain will start to get going about what a narcissistic monster I am. I read on Twitter who is talking about me. I'll also start making jokes for the day based on what I read on Twitter.

I like nonsense; it wakes up the brain cells.

When you're waking up every day, and it's all about you, I don't consider that to be a way to live your life if you can help it. I think people who know me know that I find time to enjoy myself and not take life - or myself - too seriously at all.

Since I was 12 or 13, I have been taking movie meetings finding a project right for me because I wanted to try it. Craig gave us the script - it was set in Wales, it is really British humour. I just loved it.

In my third husband I had discovered a blissfully laid-back type who thought it nothing less than hilarious when I misread the map on the way to Wales, so it took us an extra three hours, or when I was sick in a plastic carrier bag during much of the drive back from Devon - a bag that turned out to have a hole in it.

Each section of the British Isles has its own way of laughing, except Wales, which doesn't.

Before I transitioned, I felt like I could walk on stage and just, like, say anything and people would just laugh. And that's kind of a privilege that I just lost through the layers of social context and me being visibly a political object in a lot of people's brains.

You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh.

People think I have an interesting walk. Hell, I'm just trying to hold my gut in.

Career highlights? I had two - I got an intentional walk from Sandy Koufax and I got out of a rundown against the Mets.

I walk around talking to myself in accents. Usually people look at me like I'm a complete fruit loop.

The laughs mean more to me than the adoration. If two girls walk up to me and one says 'you're cute', I'll say thank you, but I appreciate it much more when the other one says 'you make me laugh so much'.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it's that same fear.

The first night you walk down to a comedy club, at least for me, I had my voice, and then I went on stage and I lost it.

'Free Agents' was an awesome experience. I never play the glam girl in anything, so that was a new experience. I would walk into one of my trailers and it would be like Spanx, a spray-tan gun, and chicken cutlets. I would have hair extensions. It was hilarious. Every day felt like I was turning into an awesome drag queen.