Quotes About Humor

John Cleese, in a clever, funny talk he gave on creativity years ago, said you also need a sense of humour if you want to be creative. You can't manufacture a sense of humour, but if you don't have one, then you might indeed be better off reporting facts. Art is not about reporting.

But I think Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang really got that thing where, if a movie reads really funny and then has some dramatic or violent or sinister stuff in it, you can't forget that primarily it has to be even funnier than you read it or that other stuff doesn't work.

Coffee?" "No thanks. I'm trying to cut back." "I thought coffee was a prerequisite for being a cop." "That's donuts. What do lawyers eat?" "Each other.

I've heard you're good, but I don't think even you can sue a dead man.

There's a can of cat food and a spoon on the floor somewhere. Take it out back and bang on it. My cat's still out there.

That's like complaining you're getting a gut, so you go on an all-Twinkie diet.

If I ever go missing I want my picture on a beer bottle instead of a milk carton. That way, my friends will know I'm missing.

Humor was his technique to put his patients at ease, a necessity when your specialty involved cutting other men's scrotums.

And maybe 'if ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas

How is that asshole?" "He still loves you and wants you to bear his children." "I'd rather pull my uterus out through my nostrils with a coat hanger.

I thought coffee was a prerequisite for being a cop." "That's donuts. What do lawyers eat?" "Each other.

How's the head?... They say I'll need a couple of stitches. Who knows, could be an improvement.

I've been married so long I wouldn't know flirting if a woman took off her top in front of me.

The Eskimo, Ootah, had his own explanation. Said he: "The devil is asleep or having trouble with his wife, or we should never have come back so easily."

Shortly before death he was asked what his wishes were regarding funeral arrangements. "Don't trouble yourself, the stench will ensure that I get buried." "But", the other objected, "isn't it wrong that the body of a great man should be exposed as food for birds and dogs?" "On the contrary, " he said, "it's the part of a great man, even in death, to be of service to the living.

We spend our lives invoking upon ourselves imagined necessities, creating God in the image of our own fears - and all the while, he is beating us over the head with the balloon of grace and the styrofoam baseball bat of a vindicating judgment. The history of salvation is slapstick all the way, right up to and including the end.

Surviving dangerous times require a sense of humor.

Most preachers say the nature of God is unknowable, but I'm certain of one thing at least. God almighty has a sense of humor.

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.

It takes all sorts of in and outdoor schoolingTo get adapted to my kind of fooling.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee and I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.