Quotes About Humor

My eyebrows - they have a life of their own. I don't arch them on purpose; I don't do, like, arching exercises or anything, I promise!

When my wife and I promised the rest of our lives to each other, I doubt either of us suspected that life would involve quite so much TV.

One of the funny lines that Daniel Bryan said in a promo is that he made fun of me for driving in an SUV, and he asked why such a small man like myself needs to drive an SUV, but we're standing literally eye to eye, and I'm like, 'Ummm.'

It's much better to wreak havoc on a show and be a maniac than promote myself. Plugs and anecdotes aren't really in line with my beliefs. Besides, if someone sees me on a morning show and thinks, 'That's not funny; this guy is crazy,' then I don't want them to come to the show anyway.

Just because I do a few comedy bits about gay people, that does not mean I'm out there promoting some anti-gay cause.

'What About Bob' is my all-time favorite, and I think I've always been prone to comedy.

I live primarily on chocolate chip cookies and coffee, and I'm prone to singing Katy Perry songs at the top of my lungs in the car. I'm an unapologetic fan.

I am naturally prone to fun or to be funny, but when I talk about myself in interviews, then it's an intellectual exercise.

When I go out with the ladies, I don't force them to pronounce my name. I tell them I like to go by the nickname of Kitten.

I couldn't pronounce Arnold Schwarzenegger, so I called him Balloon Belly.

I am very up front about about my inability to pronounce things correctly.

The most casual examination will reveal the fact that all the jokes about the horrible results of masculine cooking and sewing are written by men. It is all part of a great scheme of sex propaganda.

You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.

Comedy is my proper job. It's what I should be doing, and when I do other bits like my science series, I miss it.

This profession, I don't know why, you're supposed to be so serious and just be so proper.

I started comedy as a hobby, really, and it still doesn't seem like a proper job.

I don't make much distinction between being a stand-up comic and acting Shakespeare - in fact, unless you're a good comedian, you're never going to be able to play Hamlet properly.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

It's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy: the great comedy that comes from great pain.

The hilarity or brilliance of a forwarded link is inversely proportional to the number of people it's sent to.

It's nice to know you have support. Last night I got a marriage proposal. I just laughed.

Is this a proposal? I'm married now, you know.

We are a breathtakingly alienated people... One of my props is the world's largest underpants. I've had the president of Costa Rica in my underpants with me.

I started out as a writer. Poetry and prose and also kind of satirical David Sedaris-esque stuff.