Quotes About Humor

They'd only gone a few steps when she whacked him in the back of the head. "Ma!" he yelled, a hand going to his head as he whirled on her. "Holy Mother Mary, you ought to be ashamed of yourself! Were you raised by wolves?

Someone's going to have to wipe up the floor…" "Hmm." "Luke Riordan, you're in a bubble bath." "Yeah," he said, breathless. "What would people think? Big, tough, womanizing Black Hawk pilot, in a bubble bath." "You better not tell or you'll be punished," he said, still catching his breath. She giggled again. "That might be interesting. I never know what you'll come up with next." Late

his loving wife, Catherine, who won the annual Kill a Friend, Maim a Buddy Sweepstakes at LisaGardner.com.

Teenagers," he said into the silence, his smile knowing. "Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em." "But you can ground them, if they still live with you," she said, and silently added, Even when they're in their twenties.

Let's just say that on my way down here, I embraced my inner klutz.

You're a terrible cook, Daniel. I know, he replied, But it's the effort that counts. I hope that's not the slogan for your dental practice.

His sense of humor is purely cheap vaudeville, yet everyone falls for it.

It's always best to avoid strangling the person you're on a date with. No matter how crazy he makes you.

Do you know what STF is? I just ound out, he admitted, and I am so, so,sorry... He tried to look like he meant it, but I could tell that a little smile was peeking out at the corner of his mouth. This is so not funny. I have to wear a plastic suit of armor! Well, Marcus said, stifling a giggle, at least you have a date. And metallics are really in this year.

Besides, I wouldn't even let the Hulk carry me off this ladder!

Great. I'm with the hottest man I've ever known and raccoons have crawled through my hair and settled under my eyes.

It's fun to do something dumb. Not something really dumb, like my second marriage. That was really really dumb.

I already know when I'm being bad, and I don't need to be nagged by my underwear.

You haven't lived until you duct-taped a diaper on a dog.

You can't go! You're my husband, not my principal.

husband? Sheesh!

Not true, I got macular degeneration." Mrs. Teichner winked. "Or maybe I'm just a degenerate!

You must be poor. why? cuz ur not making any cents!

Viktor was swinging a leather duffle and wearing a black Adidas tracksuit and his favorite brown UGG slippers with a hole in the toe. Worn and old, just like Viv, he'd say when Frankie made fun of them, and then his wife would swat him on the arm. But Frankie knew he was just joking, because Viveka was the type of woman you wished was in a magazine just so you could stare at her violet-colored eyes and shiny black hair without being called a stalker or a freak.

I know when I'm not wanted, joked Uncle Vlad. Guess I'll make like under-eye cream and get the bags.

are you a wedgie? Asked Massie. No. Then why are you all up in my butt? Said Massie

Is that Nutella and bacon?

Her tiny butt

I know it isn't nice to vex people on purpose—it's like handing them a toad—but this is much too good to miss and I may never have another chance at it.