Quotes About Humor

A German plans a month in advance what his bowel movements will be at Easter, and the British plan everything in retrospect, so it always looks as though everything occurred as they intended. The French plan everything whilst appearing to be having a party, and the Spanish Ã¢â'¬Â¦ well, God knows. Anyway

He read his own obituary and an editorial lamenting his demise and praising his fortitude and immediately began to think up witty ways of writing to the paper to announce his continued and uninterrupted existence. The other two joined in the game with enthusiasm, and soon all three of them were howling with laughter and emptying bottles at a rate which would have alarmed even a depressed Scandinavian.

A German plans a month in advance what is bowel movements will be at Easter, and the British plan everything retrospect, so it always looks as though everything is good as intended. The French glad everything was to be going to be having a party, and the Spanish… Well, God knows.

Give me a dollar or I'll spit on you.

I may have ruined my life, but at least I got to eat some really good Chinese food.

With your help I can scratch both legs at the same time." "No, never mind," said Leslie. She walked up behind Louis, the yard teacher, and hopped on his shoulders. "Louis," said Leslie. "I don't know what to do with my toes." Louis tugged her foot. "Yes, that is a serious problem," he said, "but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll take them off your hands for you, or rather, your feet. Just cut them off and

Because if you fidget or wriggle or squirm or sass me or get an answer wrong, I'll wiggle my ears— (Wiggles her ears: they vibrate dramatically. MYRON and BEBE duck under their desks) MYRON and BEBE: NO! MRS. GORF: --stick out my tongue and turn you into apples!

The next time I get a cat, I'll kill him. Then he'll never run away," said Kathy.

Christopher Columbus's favorite vegetable?" asked the lunch lady. Deedee knew that one. "Cabbage!

bad case of foot odor.

Even the book I'm reading to my class," said Miss Zarves. "The author makes fun of teachers!

hysterically.

liked his jokes and even laughed and everything, he didn't think about the pebble.

Kate Barlow died laughing.

Dameon. "You are the greatest!" He ate Joy's lunch, an old bologna sandwich and a dried-up carrot.

And you're a maggot-infested string bean," muttered Louis. "What?" asked Mr. K. "I said, you're a magnificent human being.

You're an idiot, Goon, you know that?" Paul Wattenburg said to him one morning. "No, as a matter of fact I didn't," Goon said, then laughed. He called himself Goon too. On the first day of school, his math teacher, Miss Langley, asked him his name and he said, "Goon." "I beg your pardon," said Miss Langley. "See, my name's Gary Boone," Gary

Mr. Kidswatter's

Never laugh at a shoelace!

Suck your toes. That's what I do," said Sharie. But Leslie's foot wouldn't reach her mouth. "Well, that's all toes are good for," said Sharie. She put her foot in her mouth and went to sleep. "No," thought Leslie. "They must be good for something.

to find the comfort of friendliness and laughter in the dark.

Laurie, you're an angel! How shall I ever thank you? Fly at me again. I rather liked it, said Laurie, looking mischievous, a thing he had not done for a fortnight.

If you feel your value lies in being merely decorative, I fear that someday you might find yourself believing that's all that you really are. Time erodes all such beauty, but what it cannot diminish is the wonderful workings of your mind: Your humor, your kindness, and your moral courage. These are the things I cherish so in you. I so wish I could give my girls a more just world. But I know you'll make it a better place.

Housekeeping ain't no joke.