Quotes About Humor

Do his business, she say. Do his business. Why, Miss Celie. You make it sound like he going to the toilet on you.

I put the odds on a psychic deathmatch between Attila the Hun and Virginia Woolf at fifty-fifty.

Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor

A real man would never cry in public unless he was watching a movie in which a heroic dog died to save its master.Or if Heidi klum unbuttoned her blouse. Or he accidently dropped a full case of beer.

A three-year old was examining his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom,' he asked,'are these my brains?' 'Not yet.' she replied.

an ant's dream's funnier than ours - he has more of them faster and seems to give less of a shit -

Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing.

Your attitude is like a box of crayons that color your world. Constantly color your picture gray, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colors to the picture by including humor, and your picture begins to lighten up.

the fantasy, power, songfulness, beauty, and humor of the music itself has been not so much overlooked as rendered secondary to the discussion of it by experts. Instead of his reputation's creating curiosity about his work, his work has been buried by (and beneath) his reputation.

Mom, how come you never go outside? I told you, I'm a vampire.

When he laughed, Roy's mouth revealed a Stonehenge of ancient teeth.

Number of empty Ben & Jerry's containers: 3 -- two mint chocolate cookie, one plain vanilla. (Who buys plain vanilla ice cream from Ben & Jerry's, anyway? Is there a greater waste?)

Seriously, Macey snapped. go. Kiss. A baby can you believe her? Preston asked, coking his head towards macey. everytime she sees me, all she does is call me baby and talk about kissing. Macey looked like she wanted to kill him. But I kind of wanted to laugh.

I think it's kinda nice.' And I did. my mom isn't famous for her pies. No, she's famous for defusing a nuclear device in Brussels with only a pair of cuticle scissors and a ponytail holder. Somehow, at the moment, pies seemed cooler.

Laughing brains are more absorbent.

Yo pensaba: sí, sí, tonta, muérete y verás. Y se murió, mira por donde. El listo al hoyo y la tonta al bollo...

I am a Jewish mother. My dying words will be, "Put a jumper on

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

SAINT, n. A dead sinner revised and edited.

Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.

Laughter--an interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features, and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious, and though intermittent, incurable.

Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket...

ADAM'S APPLE, n. A protuberance on the throat of a man, thoughtfully provided by Nature to keep the rope in place.