Quotes About Humor

GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

NOVEL, n. A short story padded

Humor, like Death, has all seasons for his own.

LUNARIAN, n. An inhabitant of the moon, as distinguished from Lunatic, one whom the moon inhabits.

MALE, n. A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex. The male of the human race is commonly known (to the female) as Mere Man. The genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.

ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.

AIR, n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

Fate has a twisted sense of humor.

The gods love to laugh at a happy man, however.

I apologise if I bore you!' 'I accept your apology.' 'I was joking!' 'Ah. Your wit is so very sharp I hardly noticed I was cut.

Unhappy times are the best for levity. You don't light candles in the middle of the day, do you?

I bet you can do better." Luthar was grinning across at Logen. "I got bitten by a mean sheep once, but it didn't leave much of a mark.

The memory of that unfortunate meeting hung between them for a moment like a fart,

Some men laugh easily. It makes them winning dinner companions.

You're a fine one to talk, Skinny Rikke. Every pinch o' meat fell off you when you went to see the witch. You're like a head stuck on a spear these days, but without the flies. Most o' the flies, at least." And she burst out laughing.

He flowed up to the first wall, slid one leg over it, silent as a mouse. He lifted himself up, smooth as butter, keeping quiet, keeping low. His back foot caught on a set of loose stones, dragged them scraping with him. He grabbed at them, fumbled them, knocked over even more with his elbow, and they clattered down loud around him. He stumbled onto his weak ankle, twisted it, squawked with pain, fell over, and rolled through a patch of thistles. "Shit," he grunted,

I know you're a great fencer, but I've been told your wit is even sharper than your sword. So much so in fact, that you only use your sword upon your friends, as your wit is far too deadly.

Why's your name Yolk?' 'Er... don't know. Was my father's name... I guess.' 'Think you're the best part of the egg, do you, Yolk?

You must be fucking joking.

He'll trip over his own cock soon enough, then you can laugh at the outcome without getting your hands dirty. If I've learned one thing, it's that there's rarely any need to wade into the bitter ocean for your vengeance. It'll wash up on the shore soon enough.

Smile, I said. You're not trying to sell him your teeth.

You must be joking.' 'I save my jokes for those with a sense of humour.

Never thought o' myself as a man who fills sacks with heads." "No one sets off in that direction," said Clover, puffing out his cheeks one more time. "But before you know it, there you bloody are.