Quotes About Humor

I liked it better when you were dying," Allie said. "You didn't bitch so much." "Look sharp, Allie. I think you missed a pothole back there. You don't want to break up your streak of dragging me over every one." Allie

Time to pour a glass of strawberry Quik—Mr. Beukes liked to use it as an ingredient in his protein shakes, and I liked to use it as an ingredient in my fat ass—

Ha ha," he told her. "I get it. Very funny. Everyone loves a good deaf joke. Hey, why did God make farts stink? So deaf people could enjoy them, too." When

It took me a moment to realize he was joking. He was very dry. He didn't even smile at his own jokes, let alone laugh at them. Didn't give you any clues he was being funny. Oh

Charlie Manx laughed, the big, hoarse hee-haw of a country shithead who has just heard a joke involving a kike, a nigger, and a feminist.

I should of stood in bed.

Though I could agree with him that Miss Gamache had a good heart, I couldn't read her book without wanting to plunge an ice pick into it while screaming, 'That's for chapter four!

By the time Gilbert and I reached home we felt like two hydrants in unfortunate proximity to a kennel.

What dogs rip the mail every morning? Tear-riers!

Good Reasoning Skills Scene at a restaurant: Customer: Excuse me, waiter. I hate to bother you but there's a big bug in my porridge. How do you explain this? Waiter: Sir that just proves that the porridge is so good the bug could not resist swimming in it. Enjoy your meal!

Do you know why the arithmetic book was so sad? A: It had so many problems inside!

Q: Two pennies were talking to each other. Do you know what one of them said to the other one?

What's the best part about living in Switzerland? No idea, but the flag is a big plus!

giggling disconnected from humor.

I can't wait until tomorrow 'cause I get better looking every day.

You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.

You cannot compile a wit out of two half-wits.

he winked at his manager and laughed as if the sun had come out from behind the clouds.

Books are a way of saying: This room seems to have more than its fair share of bozos in it.

At long last, I felt a sense of accomplishment and a sense of closure. In the secret places of my very small heart, I had long entertained dreams of coming back in my next life as a moron.

All us humans are fouled on both ends. One we shit out of, and the other we talk shit out of.

Jim Bob looked at his watch. "I got time to get there and shower up, put on some smell-good, buy a couple packs of rubbers, and meet my barrel racer." "Couple packs of rubbers," Brett said. "Very romantic." "Ah, honey, I'm taking her to dinner first, and I always let the woman put the rubber on, and I think two packs is enough. And don't worry. I need an extra pack, I can send her to the drugstore. I got a bicycle in the garage.

We broke and ran. The squirrel, however, was not a quitter. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw that it was in fact gaining on us, and Leonard's cussing was having absolutely no effect, other than to perhaps further enrage the animal, who might have had Baptist leanings. We

A raccoon could have been trained to do better than I was doing, though it would have to be a smart raccoon.