Quotes About Humor

I thought about Hanson. I wanted to be mad at him, but he hadn't done anything but respond to what was there to respond to. Hell, I liked the big bastard. Really. He was a swell guy. I just hoped his dick would fall off.

Somewhere, a toad farted ominously.

Your age doesn't matter," said The Big Guy, which was spoken like someone who had never fucked an old lady. I am not suggesting that I have....Oh hell. A few times, at fundraisers for charities back in the States.

That first noggin shot I hit him so hard I bet his fuckin' dog back home shit a turd in the shape of a praying Jesus.

Daddy always said Grandpa was so tight that when he blinked the skin on his pecker rolled back.

Technically, I'm not stealing anything. Car or pussy. You don't own the car, and the pussy came with a nightcap." "Don't be vulgar.

I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking.

The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.

I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.

You do de pullin', Sis Cow, en I'll do de gruntin'.

He looked around the room and felt heartburn coming on like the drunk mother of a friend.

It was going to be our job to annoy someone?" "I know—it's a dream come true!

Loretta threatened to beat him to death with a wooden spoon...

Did Cap'n Vidious leave that? He is such a cuddlebunny." "Yeah," I said, "that's exactly how I'd describe him.

Did you just call me 'sweetie'?" I asked. She shoved my shoulder. "No.

Well, the bad news," Swedish said from the wheel, "is that Chess still thinks he's funny." "What's the good news?" Loretta asked, leaning on our little copper-tubed harpoon. "That Kodoc dropped a bomb on the city?

I'm a simple man. All I want is enough sleep for two normal men, enough whiskey for three, and enough women for four.

If you were up to your neck in cat vomit and someone threw dog poop at you would you duck?

The corporate joke among humans was that the official symbol of the barabo financial regulator was a shrug.

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Smack your child every day. If you don't know why - he does.