Quotes About Humor

If boys were always trying to get in girls' pants, what did they want? What could the girls give them? Pee it seemed to me was an appropriate gift.

I have this, well, this boo-boo, and Alex says I need sticky rice to treat it." Had I really just referred to the place on my arm that had been ripped open by an undead Chinese zombie vampire thing as a boo-boo? Yep. I had. Apparently having kiang shi toxins race through your system was a little like being drunk. "He says to get it from Zen Toro.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I soon realized that one of the most important things to find while working in theater was someone to giggle with. To find someone to giggle with I place just below finding someone to flirt with and just above the ability to knit. Those are the only three things to do while waiting to go on. Oh, and crosswords of course, if you can bear them. Anything else breaks the spell.

To find someone to giggle with I place just below finding someone to flirt with and just above the ability to knit. Those are the only three things to do while waiting to go on.

To find someone to giggle with I place just below finding someone to flirt with and just above the ability to knit.

We should follow our own humour more in dying than in any other business.

So you're in good company. Ignore the barbs about "lightening up." Enjoy the levity of others and allow yourself your own specialty. If you are not good at chitchat, be proud of your silence. Equally important, when your mood changes and your extraverted self appears, let it be as clumsy or silly as it needs to be. We are all awkward doing our nonspecialty. You possess one piece of the "good." It would only be arrogance to think any of us should have it all.

I got a computer. I wrote an apology note to my VCR for ever thinking it was difficult. You find someone in this country who can print out an envelope. Maybe the fifth envelope, but you have to kill four to get to the fifth one.

The people who invented nonalcoholic beer are working on liver without vitamins.

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS from giving money to television preachers?

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying.

Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.

A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other... until death do them join.

Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

No se tome la vida demasiado en serio; nunca saldrá usted vivo de ella

I am the Little Bug Spirit. I come to people when they begin to take themselves too seriously. They think they are big. I cut them down to size.

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.

When you know to laugh and when to look upon things as too absurd to take seriously, the other person is ashamed to carry through even if he was serious about it.

Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.

Oye, gordito, ¿eres el pintor más grande de México o del mundo? —Del mundo, Lupe, del mundo. —¿Hasta de Chinajapón? —Hasta de China y de Japón. —¿Chinajapón no es un solo país? —No. —¿Entonces por qué cantan eso de «chino, chino, japonés, come caca y no me des»? —¿Es eso lo que sabes de geografía, Lupe?

Najperverznije što je ljudsko bi?e dosada smislilo, ali i vidjelo, medo je na biciklu.