Quotes About Humor

I remember going for a drink of water, and one old bloke shouts, 'Hey you, young lad! Your grandad is under that grass!' I just turned around to him, gave him the thumbs up and said: 'Nae problem!'

If you're satirizing something, you're hitting at something that's real and true, and putting it on its head, and we did that with 'Tropic Thunder.'

In case of a thunderstorm, stand in the middle of the fairway and hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron.

I did standup while still working for Johnny Carson in the mid-'60s, thus gaining the advantage of at least getting laughs from him about how I hadn't the night before.

My driver Kellie Frost and I would race these fellows home and they were always faster on the highway. We did the same with Daniel and his driver, and thus began a long series of jokes and competitions to alleviate the impossible hours and tensions this film provoked.

From the very beginning I knew I had to be a comedian, and thus preferred being one.

I really don't want to do anything that resembles stand-up comedy. But I will agree to say that I am doing it, and I will hope that people expect it to be that, so I can thwart those expectations.

I tick that cliched box of being the class clown. I've always done impressions and characters, so I'm very lucky that I get to do that as a career now.

Doing comedy around the world is a way of finding out how people tick.

You know how I know I'm white? I can cry myself out of a parking ticket.

Everything is not serious. If you don't like what I'm saying, change the channel - don't look at me, don't buy a ticket. You either get it or you don't, and it's fascinating because it's usually intelligent people with a sense of humor who get it.

Ticket sales will get higher the day after roasts.

I always thought it was funny that my grandparents had bought a ticket to New York and ended up in Glasgow.

My mom's last name is Bob. My dad's last name is Waksberg. Every time I try to get a ticket at will call, they say last name. And I say, Bob-Waksberg. And I see them looking under W. I go, no, Bob-Waksberg. And they go, no, last name. And I go no, my last name is Bob-Waksberg.

I see myself as a comic but the acting helps sell tickets for gigs.

Actually, we've done 75 of these shows and every one of them has sold out. But then we buy all the tickets.

My job is to bring the tickle. I know what's funny.

There's not a lot of other stuff I admire about his content, but there's something about Howard Stern and his perseverance in a very difficult industry. He does tickle me in certain ways with humor.

I probably was as bad as a security guard as I was as a tie salesman.

I would make it illegal to walk into a comedy club with a tie on.

We predicted the concept of a telephone that isn't tied to a wall or a desk. We anticipated that everyone would have a cell phone. We joked that when you're born you would be assigned a cell phone and if you didn't answer you had died.

The 'Family Ties' role was the first of many gay roles that I've ended up playing. I remember that I made them laugh, and it made me feel good, 'cause it really cracked them up.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

I would say about 90 per cent of drunken idiots in comedy clubs wear ties, particularly in London where I work most of the time.