Quotes About Humor

And, no, they haven't done it. I put him out of his misery. Done what? asks Noah. Put the sausage in the cupcake, says Lorcan, draining his coffee. Lorcan! I snap. Don't say things like that! Noah explodes with laughter. Put the sausage in the cupcake! he crows. The sausage in the cupcake! Great. I glare at Lorcan, who stares back, unmoved. And, anyway, cupcake? I've never heard it called that.

I can't help giving her the Mummy Once-Over myself, and she's one of those mothers who wears Crocs over nubbly homemade socks. (Why would you do that? Why?)

I wonder if Luke would take a hit of tomato ketchup for me. I might ask him later. Just casually.

Underpants! Underpants!

I know exactly what Luke's doing. He's trying to push me and Suze together so we can make up. Which is really sweet of him. But I feel like a panda being told to mate with another panda that clearly doesn't fancy me.

I've often noticed that people equate 'having a sense of humour' with 'being an insensitive moron'.) This

They were even talking about buying a bodyguard, can you believe it? I mean, what on earth would I look like, turning up with a bodyguard? Actually, I'd look pretty cool and mysterious, wouldn't I? That might have been quite a good idea.

He said that he and Mum had often talked about the kind of man I would marry, and they'd always disagreed on everything except one thing - he'll have to be on his toes. Then he looked at Luke, who obligingly got up and turned a pirouette, and everyone roared with laughter.

Mrs Brandon.' The sonographer cuts me off. 'You're talking to your bladder.

He feels like fun. He feels like cleverness and irreverence and wit and charm, all packaged up in a long, lean frame.

like that time I used false eyelashes with dodgy glue from the market, then tottered into the bathroom the next morning to find one eye glued shut with what looked like a dead spider on top of it. Really attractive, Lexi.

The idea of Kai and Luke sitting at a table discussing his pecs nearly made me snort out my coconut water.

I bet Obama had a great one prepared," says Seb. "I almost wish we'd been invaded by Martians, just so I could have heard it.

Will I be OK? Krista gives a derisive laugh and swivels to face me. I've built up a business and I've turned off my mum's life-support machine and I've punched a shark in the face. I think I can cope with this .

So instead I'm zapping her lots of smiley faces and emojis of shiny suns and sailboats and dodging the truth altogether. (Maybe that's what emojis were invented for in the first place, and I've just been using them wrong. They're not there to convey thoughts in a fun way; they're there to lie to your mum.)

Episodes. Like depression is a sitcom with a fun punch line each time. Or a TV box set loaded with cliffhangers. The only cliffhanger in my life is Will I ever get rid of this shit? and believe me, it gets pretty monotonous.

11:06–11:12 daydreamed about bumping into George Clooney in street 11:12–11:18 attempted to touch nose with tongue

There's silence, then the phone bleeps again with his reply: :) I stare in disbelief. A smiley face. Sam Roxton typed a smiley face! A moment later he sends a follow-up. I know. I don't believe it either.

Maybe that's what emojis were invented for in the first place, and I've just been using them wrong. They're not there to convey thoughts in a fun way; they're there to lie to your mum.)

Husbands should not memorize conversations, word for word. It's against the whole spirit of marriage.

I'd laugh, only my stupid lizard brain has disabled the laugh button for now. I'm too frozen up with tension. I am owed so much laughter. Sometimes I hope I'm building up a stockpile of missing laughs, and when I've recovered, they'll all come exploding out in one gigantic fit that last twenty-four hours.

Just something I rustled up earlier." I wink at him. "As we Cordon Bleu chefs do." Nathaniel carves the chicken with an

As regards the DF 4000 Deluxe X-ray body scanner we were discussing, please be assured, I have never known a case of a husband "using it to track down shopping parcels hidden about his wife's person.

My head is prickling and I can sense Suze staring meaningfully at me, but I don't want to meet her gaze. I want to make the perfect lighthearted comment that will instantly smooth everything over. Right now, though, I can't quite think of it