Quotes About Humor

I really watch reruns of 'The Golden Girls' to get all my style tips.

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.

I just feel like people like a little break. Especially at 12:37 at night, you go, like, 'I'm just tired of the snarky right now. I just want to lie down and have somebody make me laugh for an hour. Entertain me, and then I'm going to sleep with a smile on my face.' That's my job; that's what I do.

I'm just tired of people saying I'm a self-hating Jew because I'm critical of Israel or make fun of old Jewish ladies. I do not hate myself. And Jews who criticize Israel aren't necessarily mentally ill.

I even get tired performing standup, which is normally a low-impact exercise in futility but looks hard the way I do it. That's why I take a lot of breaks, often stopping in the middle of a joke to catch my breath, or blame the crowd for not laughing before the punchline.

People complain that joking about serious subjects is 'making light' of them. Isn't that a good idea? Comedy lets the air out of the bully's tires.

I don't think of myself as funny. I think of myself as rather grave, actually. And I'm suspicious of fun. I never quite know what that is or how to deal with it or how to generate it. That's my fault. I know it's a burden on the people I'm with. It's tiresome.

I'm going to do 'The Social Network Two: The Electric Boogaloo.' And I have a part in 'Beige Swan.' I'm going to be the lead, but I don't dance. I just do a lot of sitting down. It's too tiring to get up and dance around. That should be coming out in 20-never.

Obviously I'm a big fan of 'South Park', but it gets tiring at times when there's so much of it.

Prudent people are very happy; 'tis an exceeding fine thing, that's certain, but I was born without it, and shall retain to my day of Death the Humour of saying what I think.

The connective tissue between storytelling, advice, and comedy is passion.

My friends joke that I raised the Titanic and never left the Rockies.

These guys Steve Harvey and Cedric the Entertainer and Bernie Mac claim they're the Kings of Comedy. They may be funny, but they ain't no kings. That title is reserved for Rudy Ray Moore and Redd Foxx.

The whole 'studly womaniser' thing, I mean, I quite enjoy the title - it's just not very accurate.

I knew 'Mars Needs Moms! ' would be a movie seconds after the title came to mind. Similarly, I also knew that my daughter would be calling me a dork as a default term of endearment eventually.

My fake Japanese was smooth enough to earn me the title of 'The Emperor of Pleasing Graciousness' in that country.

I would rather turn my head and cough than see any part of 'Patch Adams' again. The title of this movie should have been 'Punch Adams!'

'Words, Words, Words' was very much its title. It's just words, words, words and trying to show that I can pack as much material into an hour as I possibly could word count-wise.

My next book's title is going to be, 'I Have One Foot in the Grave and Another on a Banana Peel.'

I'm terrible with titles.

I love books with titles like, 'How Do You Spank a Porcupine?,' 'Arnie, the Darling Starling,' or 'The Bat in My Pocket.'

Nobody had song titles that were as long as ours. A lot of it was just inside jokes.

I was this sort of floozy in 'The Rag Trade,' and 'Mr Digby Darling,' and 'Now, Take My Wife' - the titles say it all.

To be honest, I think bananas are a pathetic fruit.