Quotes About Humor

Careful, Sofia," said Don Lorenzo. "Don't teach a sailor to shit in the ocean," she muttered.

Maybe the one real advantage to getting older is that you have the time to pull your head a little bit farther out of your ass.

Heavens," said Galdo in a deep, dramatic voice, "only one man living could have squeezed forth such a gleaming brown jewel—this is the work of Squatting Calo, the Midnight Shitter!

Well, cheer up. At least you've got more mobility than a fucking tadpole on dry land.

Well, hell. It's been five years. Maybe she's learned to lose gracefully. Maybe she's out of practice." "Maybe trained monkeys will climb out of my ass and pour me a glass of Austershalin brandy," said Jean.

Piss!" shouted Kosta, hoisting his tumbler toward Cosetta, who nearly came apart at the joints with the resulting fit of giggles. " Thank you , Ravelle, for this gift of a daughter who will now be up all night repeating that word...

This brew could make a dead eunuch piss lightning

What do you think of the old boy?" said Jean. "He's got a strangely sunny view of ten years of defeat", said Locke, "but if I get killed in the next six weeks, I want him to speak at my funeral.

Are you smarter than a pig, Locke?" "On occasion," said Locke. "There are contrary opinions." "Are you more dangerous than a cow? A chicken? A sheep?" "Let's be generous and say yes.

Well, the gods love a man who laughs at hardship." "Hardship is boring as all hell. Gotta find laughs if you can't stay drunk

And for all our sakes, tame that mess on top of your head. Use fire and a poleaxe if you have to.

May they all be stricken with the screaming fire-shits." He sipped his

Wise in the ways of all such things is Jean Tannen," said Jean. "Wiser by far than most; especially most named Lamora." "Shut your fat, ugly, inarguably wiser face," said Locke.

Remember how she joked about twenty armed people in the next room?" said Jean with a sigh. He set down the book he'd been reading. "There were twenty armed men in the next room.

You think I'm inclined to walk in on a day like today and deliberately twist his breeches? If your father says 'bark like a dog,' I say 'What breed, Your Honor?' 

If what Locke is doing were larking about, corpses could get jobs as acrobats.

But this is silly—we could sit here all night contrasting cock-lengths. I say mine is five feet long, you say yours is six, and shoots fire upon command.

You'd have to take your shoes and breeches off to count to twenty-one!

Go fold yourself in half," said Locke, "and lick your ass.

Feeling human again?" said Locke. "this brew could make a dead eunuch piss lightnign" said Jean.

Hardship is boring as hell. Gotta find laughs if you can't stay drunk.

Oh...ow! Gods, Please. Ow! You said you...wouldn't kill me!" "And I meant it. I'm not going to kill you, you cabbage-brained twit. I'm just going to kick you until it stops feeling good!" "Ow! Agggh! Please! Aaaaow!" "I have to say, it's still pretty fascinating." "Aiiiah! Ow!" " Still enjoying myself." "Oooof! Agh!

You needed a bath," Jean interrupted. "You were covered in self-pity.

I don't expect life to make sense," he said after a few moments, "but it would certainly be pleasant if it would stop kicking us in the balls.